Apalapucia
by friendlyquark
Summary: There are many reasons why letting the Doctor plan a holiday is a terrible idea. When an old enemy moves against them, the Doctor, Rose, and the whole Pete's World Crew have their relaxation time interrupted with a little adventure.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One -Whole New World

The Black Guardian ought to have been glowering at the board, but he wasn't, which was something that made the White Guardian rather uneasy.

"It's your move," he prompted and the agate eyes crinkled in amusement.

"So it is," he replied and began to hum softly, as he studied the arrangement of the pieces. The White Guardian was now seriously concerned. This sort of behaviour rarely boded well.

"Are you going to move?" he asked again a bit later, as the ebon-garbed figure had still done nothing.

"Oh yes," came the softy reply and the smile that creased his opponent's face was not at all a pleasant one. He reached out and shifted a piece. The White Guardian bit back a cry of dismay. It was all according to the rules, it wasn't his opponent's problem if he had simply neglected to notice the stealthy movements in the shadows.

"I see," he replied, realizing that he had been neatly manoeuvred into a trap. He looked at the board and tried to think as quickly as he could. The two of them knew each other so well and he knew what he would normally do in this situation, so his opponent must as well.

So, he chose not to.

Instead of moving his King into play, he reached for a cluster of pawns and shifted them into position, playing out a line of probabilities that could break either way. It was a risky and dangerous move, but he strongly suspected that the Black Guardian had designed this trap for the King specifically, so the best he could do was to keep him out of it, until the specifics of the trap could be analysed.

"Interesting," the Black Guardian commented and now there was the shadow of a frown on his face.

Still, the White Guardian didn't relax. He'd blundered and badly. Now, he had to figure out a way to recover.

* * *

Gaige stood by the TARDIS door, watching his unit heading back towards the city, and his emotions were deeply mixed.

He was going home, with his beloved wife, the other half of his soul, and he was filled with joy for that, but he was also leaving his long-time home, his friends, the entire life that he had built for himself, and he suddenly realized how much he'd come to love the harsh world, with its brave, fierce, kind people.

"You can always come visit me," Rammall told him softly. "Sneak in the back way, I won't tell."

Gaige laughed at that and shook his head.

"I shouldn't," he murmured.

"But, he probably will anyway," the Doctor told Rammall, sticking his nose into the conversation with a large grin on his face.

"My wife is a very fine cook, you are always welcome, all of you," Rammall replied, his face grave and his eyes a bit sad, now that parting was so near.

I'm worried that without me there to pull your arse out of the fire, you could be in trouble," Gaige told him and Rammall chuckled.

"I'm worried that without me there to keep you in line, you'll be in trouble!" he retorted. Gaige hugged his best friend tightly and then released him, eyes filling up with mist as he turned and stomped away into the interior of the TARDIS.

* * *

"Not to worry, Captain Rammall, Adyra will see to it that he comes by and visits regularly," the Doctor promised with a smile and the Captain nodded and watched Gaige's retreat with a sad look.

"Take care of him, please, he's a good man."

"I will," the Doctor replied and Captain Rammall turned and strode off into the desert, headed for home. A small, sprightly figure that was quickly swallowed up in the shimmering heat.

"Right, now to check on our patients."

"Koschei and Guinn are checking out Tomoko's brain, seeing if Rassilon left her any presents," Rose told him with a frown, as she too watched Rammall walk away. "I wish their tech base was high enough for us to open up relations."

"It will be, in about two or three hundred years," the Doctor assured her.

"Which will be long after Captain Rammall has passed away," she pointed out and the Doctor nodded.

"Not much we can do about that, I'm afraid." Hand in hand they went back into the TARDIS.

* * *

Adie watched Gaige come to her and opened her arms to him. He pulled her close, crushing her to him, face resting on her head and she could feel the grief and pain of loss in him.

"We'll come back. We'll sneak in, like he said," she told him softly and she felt him smile against her hair.

"It won't be the same, I'll be a visitor, not his Scout." His words stopped and she could feel him faltering, unsure of what the future held for him. "I'm so very glad that I found you, Adyra, don't ever doubt that. I love you." He wrapped her up in his love, letting her creep ever the more deeply into his hearts and she could feel it, the surge of warmth, the way that their energy seemed to melt into each other's, blurring the lines between them and she practically purred as she snuggled into the heat of it.

"I love you too and we'll find a way," she promised.

* * *

The Doctor stood beside the medi-bay bed, frowning as Guinn and Koschei worked their way through Tomoko's mind. She was ensconced among the soothing blue floral sheets and purple comforter, looking small, fragile, and very young. It was an illusion he knew, for she was strong, tough, and older than she looked, but just then, the Doctor's intense feelings of protectiveness and concern were not assuaged by the truth.

Guinn was standing next to Koschei, with Freeya leaning against him, his arm around her, even as his thoughts were with Koschei's in Tomoko's mind. The child was leaning against him, watching warily.

"Will she still think Rassilon is a good person?" Freeya asked, turning her face up to look at Guinn.

"I'm not sure. That's what we're looking into. Mind you, we will have to have Susan go through her mind again, once we're back," Guinn pointed out.

"I know, but I just need to see how much damage he did to her," Koschei murmured, his fingers resting on Tomoko's temples. "That will give us a starting point, anyway."

"Which is something I'd like to know as well," Dar grumbled, from where he was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. Rose, Jake, and Diana all nodded their own agreement.

The Doctor left them to it and wandered over to where Justin lay in a healing coma, his face peaceful as he slept, and then he slipped out of the Medi-Bay and wandered down the corridor to the Zero Room. He touched the monitoring pad and read off the screen with a worried frown.

"Regeneration errors, please consult a Rebalancing Specialist immediately," he grumbled. "Great, I'll have to call Terry and have him ready for them."

Aislynn and Taydin had gone through quite the trauma, so he supposed that he ought not to be surprised by the caution, yet he was. They had seemed all right, well, for two people who'd just died and regenerated, when they had stumbled off to go collapse in the Zero Room.

"They'll be fine," Rose told him, coming up behind him, and he started and then turned and sighed.

"I'm sure that they will be, but the TARDIS is a bit jumpy about them, that's all," he replied.

"She's a nervous wreck! Rassilon came in and stomped all over the poor darling girl," Rose growled, patting the TARDIS walls gently.

"I can only imagine," the Doctor agreed, feeling sorry for the ship. First the Master, then Rassilon, she'd had a rough time of it.

"So, what now?" Rose asked him and he gave her a shrug.

"I think we ought to go on holiday," he decided.

"An idea that has been notably bad in years past," she teased. "Every holiday we have ever gone on has ended up with us running, screaming, and generally getting in trouble."

"This is a bad thing?" he asked.

"Naw, actually, it's brilliant," she replied, eyes alight with excitement, and he chuckled.

"We really were made for each other," he told her.

"Yeah, we really were," she agreed.

* * *

"So," Dar asked. "What's the verdict?"

"What's that Earth expression?" Koschei mused. "She's had some cowboys in here?" He shook his head. "She's been entirely unseated and rearranged, but it was the usual brutal hack and slash that Rassilon is famed for. Not a touch of elegance or finesse to be found." he sounded disgusted, which did not make Dar feel very good.

"So, what does that mean?" Diana asked. "Is she Tomoko or not?"

"She's Tomoko," Koschei assured her. "She's just had her brain dragged through several war zones and she might be a bit shaky when she comes out of the healing trance."

"A bit shaky?" Dar demanded.

"He rearranged her entire world view to make him the rose-coloured centre of her existence," Guinn explained, looking sick at hearts and rather weary. "She may or may not wake up feeling the same way."

"Great. My bond mated wife could still be Rassilon's sock monkey. That's just perfect," Dar groaned.

"That's my sister you're talking about!" Diana snapped and Dar gave her a small smile.

"So, Benahara Diana, shall we draw straws for who gets to sit by her first?" he asked, using the Gallifreyan term for a cloned sister by marriage.

"No, you look like crap, go sleep. I'll sit first," Diana told him. "Straws are too easy to fix."

"You are a cynical and suspicious person, Diana. I respect that," Dar replied and, with one last glance at Tomoko, he left to go get some sleep.

"Was that him being nice to me?" Diana's voice could be heard asking, as he departed, and her puzzlement made him smile a bit.

* * *

Tomoko slept like a dead thing for hours. It was hardly possible even to see her breathing, she was so still.

When she did awaken, she did so suddenly, pushing herself away from her dreams with a cry and slamming herself against the wall; then giving another cry, grabbing at her eyes with a sort of wailing gasp. She didn't know where she was. Her sight was filled with colours and shapes she didn't recognize.

"My eyes… something's wrong with my eyes…" She was still trying to push herself away from what she was seeing, her feet scrabbling uncertainly, struggling with the blankets that were trying to wrap themselves around her ankles. She didn't know where she was and her head was filled with confused and contradictory images; Rassilon and Songs and Manifold.

"Hey kid," Dar voice cut through the confusion, but it sounded strange. He sounded more worried than she normally heard from him.

"Dar… Dar, look out.." but she didn't even know from what.

"It's okay, kid, it's all over," he assured her. His hands were supporting her as she sat up.

"But there… crash… and colours and… and the shadowy things…"

"All over with, we're back in Adie's TARDIS now, Tomoko," he soothed, which was really odd, because Dar was usually all sarcasm and scorn.

"Aislynn… we haven't taken blood samples… did we? The shadowy things… everything was crumbling…"

"Tomoko, it's all over. Rassilon is gone," he told her. "The Doctor took care of him."

She pulled her hands away from her eyes and stared at him, frozen with her mouth hanging open. Inside her head two conflicting thoughts crashed up against each other. One was devastated, while the other was jubilant, and she couldn't figure out which she was supposed to feel.

"What… how? What happened?" she asked, trying to stop the dizzy whirling of her emotions.

"Taydin and Aislynn nearly ripped this universe apart, but Koschei got the antidote to the Nanites into her, just in time. After that, it was lots of things blowing up and it got a bit confused. Final score, Justin has most of his brain back, minus a few bits, we're all alive, and Rassilon is gone," he explained and peered into her face. "How are you feeling?"

She didn't speak immediately.

"What are we going to do?" She finally whispered. She'd no idea how to function without the Purpose that had been driving her, but at the same time there was something fierce and powerful raising it's head in the back of her mind.

"We're going to have lunch, I think, for starters. Your blood sugar has crashed," he told her and put his hand under her elbow. "What do you want to eat?"

"I'm not hungry," she mumbled, but her stomach growled, contradicting her.

"You haven't eaten in days," he pointed out.

"It doesn't matter," she said rather listlessly. "I…can't create the glorious vision without Rassilon…." she heard herself saying, even as her second thoughts, stronger than they used to be, blew a raspberry at her. "I don't know what to do," she told him, hoping for some sort of a sense of direction.

"What do you want to do?" he asked her. "What did you want to do before all of this?"

She tried to think back. Whatever she had been doing before seemed so small.

"I… wanted to save the people… in the Bubble dimensions… did that work, by the way?"

"Yes, it did, rather brilliantly, actually," he told her. "You saved Gaige and the entire world he was on, as well as six others."

"Good. I wanted them to live." It was a bright point; a small one, but a bright point nonetheless. She felt like she was stuck in something heavy and sticky; she hardly wanted to move, she was so miserable, but even through that, she was pleased at the idea that people had lived.

"Why? How did it serve Rassilon for a few miserable, short-lived animals to survive?" he asked in a caustic tone that was more familiar to her than the gentle one had been.

That thought was a blow.

"I… I didn't know him then…" but there was a terrible truth to his words. If it didn't serve Rassilon, what was the point?

"Is that really what you think? Do you think that the Mashas, the humans, the Typdygs, they're all just things that either serve him or they don't?" he sounded angry, but it was hard to tell whether he was angry at her for thinking something that wasn't to Rassilon's benefit, or the opposite.

"Aren't we? Especially myself and the Mashas. Isn't that what we were made for, to serve him?" she asked, surprised at his tone.

"That's what you were made for, yes, but is that all you are? His tools? What do you want, Tomoko? When you took a name in the desert with Diana, why did you do that? What were you thinking back then?" His voice was back under control, his tone merely questioning again, but his eyes were flat and unreadable.

That thought also caught her by surprise. She blinked, her eyes following the odd streamers of light with which her vision was filled, trying to remember.

"I wanted to choose my own destiny. I wanted to be something more than what I was." The memory of that tugged at her strangely.

"So, what happened?" he enquired, still in that easy tone, as he put a plate of food in front of her and handed her a fork.

"We took names. We broke out of the Loops. We… we were going to build something… we were going to build it without him! Why did we do that?" She felt suddenly bewildered, lost, confused. Her eyes searched his face. "Do you know why?"

"Because you were having a revolution?" he suggested.

It all came back to her suddenly; the Revolution and the Loops; the Manifold and the return to Gallifrey.

There was something wrong in her head. She felt like she was crumbling strangely; collapsing; as if things were falling in of their own weight. She closed her eyes tightly.

"It hurts," she said in a half-sob, feeling like she was splitting right in two. "It hurts. My head hurts. My throat hurts. My eyes hurt."

"You've been run over kid, by the 900 kilo Mumphasti," he told her.

"What happened to me?" She felt as if she was coming apart at the seams.

"Rassilon happened to you, just like he happened to your father, to me, and to the entire planet of Gallifrey," he answered.

"I don't… I don't know what's real," she gasped and she felt like she was near to tears.

"Everything, up until you nearly died saving everyone in the Bubbles, is real. After that, it gets a little fuzzy," he explained.

Tomoko's breath and hearts were speeding up. She kept her eyes closed. She had killed Justin, handed him over to die. How could she have forgotten that? She remembered the bombs suddenly and for the first time was angry at Rassilon, and angry at herself. Why did he have to blow up the house? The weight of those memories was unbearable.

"I killed people," she said and something inside of her broke open. There was a tightness in her throat, a pain in her chest, and then she was sobbing, gasping for breath, feeling like she was being shaken to pieces by the heaving of her body, the convulsions of grief and despair. Dar pulled her into his lap, holding her like she was a child, her food clattering onto the floor as she shook and shuddered under the onslaught of emotions too strong for her body to contain.

"Rassilon killed them, my hearts, not you," he murmured softly, stroking her hair as his voice rumbled in his chest under her ear.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. It was all she could seem to find to say, her thoughts and emotions so tangled she couldn't begin to unravel them. "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are," he told her and held onto her as the huge wracking sobs shook her body and her mind struggled to grasp all that she had been and done under Rassilon's controls.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - This story may go up a bit more slowly. My publisher is demanding that I write books that she can actually sell. :D So, back to grindstone for me. LOL Time Lady Jenn is working on an Aislynn and Taydin side story in the meantime, so feel free to pester her about that.

* * *

Chapter 2 - Aftershocks

Diana paced outside of Tomoko's room. She had relinquished her spot by Tomoko to Dar, but she was still scared stiff for her sister.

"Angel, you okay?" Jake asked her softly.

"I don't know. I mean, for so long we'd worked to undo all the rubbish they shoved in our heads. We fought the Revolution to get free of the Time...of Rassilon's controls," she replied, correcting herself hastily. She knew that not all Time Lords were evil, after all Aislynn had been the one to start it all, to rescue her from the Loops.

"You did," he agreed, watching her.

"I just... how could she... I mean, it's not her fault, but, how can she deal with this?" Diana asked him.

"The same way that Guinn and Koschei do," he reminded her and she winced.

"Yeah... I guess so," she replied, feeling as though something large and heavy had slammed into her. "It's the same thing, isn't it? What he made her do, what he made Guinn and Koschei do... it's the same."

"Yeah. It's the same. So, the question Angel, is, when you get back to the Mashas, when you go talk to them about what happened, when you discuss Justice and what they all want from Guinn, are you going to tell them that they have to demand the same things from Tomoko?" he asked her very quietly and she felt the blood drain from her face.

Because it was exactly the same and, if they held Tomoko blameless, then they had to do the same for the Master.

"That's going to go over like a cup of sick," she muttered, using one of Jackie's phrases, and Jake nodded.

"Oh yes it is," he agreed and she leaned against him, thinking hard.

* * *

The storm seemed to take a long time to calm. Tomoko was fighting for some easing of her inner anguish, but couldn't seem to find a way to stop crying.

"What's wrong with me?" She finally managed to gasp to Dar, who was cradling her in his arms, feeding her strength that she found herself desperately needing.

"You were taken over by Rassilon. He walked into your brain, rearranged the furniture, and dropped some binding compulsions onto you. Like the Master, you were his toy, his puppet, though for a lot less time," he explained.

"I'm sorry… I don't know why… I didn't fight him at all…" the storm was passing, but she was not at all anxious to let him go.

"Yes, you did. It was subtle, but you did. You were in trouble and you went and got help. You fetched Guinn and he was able to do quite a bit to support you, to keep you safe, and to talk Aislynn into keeping breathing, if what he didn't say to me is any indication," he sighed.

She held onto him tightly. It suddenly seemed to her that his arms were the only safe place in the universe. Her head had been so full of definite ideas and Rassilon had swept them away and replaced them with a purpose that had been utterly all-encompassing. For three days she'd been so sure of everything and now it was all gone and she was drowning in doubts.

"What happens now?"

"What do you want to have happen?"

"I don't know, I should and I don't," she was so terrified by the huge void inside of herself that she was barely able to speak, her voice little more than a rasp.

"Do you want to get some lunch? I know that you're hungry," he asked. "Do you want to see Guinn? Or Diana? Do you want to go back to sleep?" he suggested each of these things casually, as if none had any more weight than any other.

"I never want to see anyone ever again!" she choked out.

"Even me?" he asked softly.

A surge of terror went through her at the thought of him not being there beside her.

"Don't leave me!" she cried in sheer panic.

"Not going anywhere, Tomoko, promise," he replied, his arms tightening around her, holding her safe and secure.

"I just… I don't know, there's something wrong with my eyes, there's something wrong with my head, it's all… like the gears are uncaught… I don't know what is the matter with me, but I don't want you to go."

"It's okay, things will start to settle down. You nearly died, got made a Time Lord, got possessed by Rassilon, stole a police cruiser, blew chunks out of Shadow Base, led us all on a merry chase, nearly saw the universe get ripped apart, were way too close to the action, and nearly died again, it's a lot to process," he pointed out.

"Just stay with me, okay?"

"That won't be a problem," he assured her and she found herself relaxing against him, letting herself be safe and supported in a way that she'd never felt before. She wasn't alone, Dar was there. She turned her face up and saw something in his eyes that tugged at her. She pushed herself upwards, until she could put her arms around his neck and she kissed him.

He pulled her against him, kissing her back with a heated rush of of emotions too complex for her to untangle just then. All she knew was that this was right, he was what she needed and she needed it right then.

Dar seemed to sense what she was feeling and was gratifyingly responsive, pressing her back into the mattress and then slowly and thoroughly kissing her, teaching her the art and mystery of it with a patient sweetness that startled her.

For so long, he'd seemed impenetrable, a wall that showed her only what he wanted her to see and now, suddenly, the wall was falling before the onslaught of hands, mouths, feelings that twined through them both, all of it pulling aside the veil and letting her see into the hearts of him.

There in the terrible darkness that surrounded him, he was a glowing white star, a brilliant shining light that pierced her through the hearts and made her chest ache. He was in so much pain, all the time. He had been so badly hurt and she'd never ever realized.

Without thinking about it, Tomoko pulled him closer, using her own light to try to heal him and he gasped, back arching in his surprise and the sudden rush of what they were doing.

"Tomoko, my hearts, my love," he murmured and she reached for him, finally understanding what had always been missing in her life. She had always needed him, she'd just never known before.

He kissed her again and all thought faded, as he used the skills of centuries to make them one.

Forever.

* * *

The Doctor set the coordinates, but still he hesitated.

"What exactly is worrying you?" Gaige asked him softly and he looked up into the ex-CIA Agent's gray eyes and opened his mouth to piffle, before shutting it again and deciding on the truth.

"Tomoko might still be controlled by whatever Rassilon left in her head and Justin was also undone and remade over as well. I am rather reluctant to bring them both back to Gallifrey without more assurances that they are safe than I presently have," he finally admitted.

"Tomoko wouldn't ever do anything to hurt the Mashas!" Adie protested and the Doctor nodded.

"Not if she was in her right mind, no," he agreed.

"Where do we take them, then, Doctor?" Adie asked, looking at the still rotor.

"We have nowhere else to take them, they need Susan and she's on Gallifrey by now," he sighed. "I just want to wait a bit. I want to stay here, in the Vortex, until we have more information."

"Then that is what we do," Adie said. "And in addition, we could also go and get Susan and bring her here."

"No. I think that reunion may need to be private," he murmured.

"Yes, granted, but Susan was also a war doctor. Wouldn't it be patients first, or not? I mean… I'm sorry, I don't want to be argumentative," a flush crept into her cheeks.

"I don't want her exposed to Rassilon, even second hand, just now," he told her with a sigh. "I don't think you're being argumentative, by the way. Telling me when I've stuck my foot in it, well, its the family hobby," he teased.

"How will we know when it is okay to go to Gallifrey? If Tomoko and Justin might be mind controlled, and Aislynn may be brain-damaged, and Taydin may be, I don't know, unbalanced?" She stopped suddenly as she listened to herself. "That's a heavy casualty list… is it always like this with… hm," She looked thoughtful for a moment, then resumed her previous sentence. "Is it always like this with him? With Rassilon?"

"Yes," the Doctor replied and the very brevity of his answer revealed the depths of his misery to them, he knew. He had tried to think of something pithy and amusing and had come up blank. Rassilon had destroyed too many lives, done too much harm, dragged his race down from the heights and into the depths of depravity and horror. He had nothing in him but a dull ache for it all, a need for it to be done with.

"On the top of my "Least Favourite People" list," Gaige added, his own eyes rather stormy.

Adie looked from one to the other.

"How can I help? Or… can I help?"

"I think Diana could use an elder sister to help her cope with what has happened," he suggested gently. He would have tried to talk to her himself, but he wasn't certain that he was the right Time Lord for the job.

"Yes, all right, I will go and find her," she smiled at them both and headed out of the room.

"So, 'Elder sister"? Gaige asked, one eyebrow cocked and the Doctor chuckled.

"Is that something the CIA teaches you in basic interrogations?" he asked and Gaige crossed his arms and smiled slightly. "Oh, all right, I give in!" the Doctor laughed.

"Fastest interrogation I've ever done," he replied.

"Right, let's talk about the War," the Doctor began and launched into the history of the Lens Project and one Adyra, his niece. By the end of it, Gaige looked thoughtful.

"Now I have added quite a lot of reasons to my other list," he mused aloud.

"Which list was that?" the Doctor asked with his own brows rising.

"The "Reasons Why I Hate Rassilon" list," he replied and the Doctor nodded.

"Oh, mine has hundreds of entries," he sighed out in agreement. They turned back to working on resetting the TARDIS and clearing out Rassilon's little programs in a companionable silence.

He was really starting to like Adyra's bond mate.

* * *

Tomoko rested her head against Dar's bare shoulder and closed her eyes. The smell of him was soothing her in some primal fashion. She was sprawled across his chest, feeling rather pleased with how things had gone, but also knowing that she would have to deal with the pain again later. He was a very large man, she felt like a mountain climber just cuddling with him. She was determined that her next regeneration she was going to work on being taller.

Just then though, the soft rumble of his voice, the way he seemed to be all around her, a wall between her and her pain, was exactly what she needed. A safe harbour to rest in. A warm, rather sexy harbour, she thought with a slightly smug feeling.

"So, the Manifold..." he began and she raised her head to look at him as he hesitated. "Did you know that they followed you home?" She paused and felt around in her brain, realizing what the other niggly thing was that had been poking at her.

"In my head. They followed me in my head. I can hear them there now," she told him, torn between dismay and a sort of happy maternal feeling.

"Okay, that's good. If you're still their Mum, then they aren't likely to chew up the TARDIS. Adie was a trifle concerned," he explained and all of it came rushing back into her memory. She jerked upright, all the hazy contentment gone.

"Did she… did they… live? Guinn, Aislynn, Diana, the Doctor… did they all live?" she demanded.

"Yes, they're all fine. Well, Aislynn and Taydin did a little Face Shuffle, but then they were both about due anyway," he told her.

"I…" She was torn. She really was hungry, but she wasn't anxious to be anywhere but nestled into the safety of Dar's arms. "Maybe… maybe some food?"

"Would my Lady wish me to fetch for her, or shall you accompany my humble and unworthy self to the replicator?" he asked in a much more normal manner.

"I don't want to come out," she whispered almost fearfully. "I just… I don't want to."

"I can't exactly blame you, Diana is hovering in the corridor, waiting to pounce on you, the minute you show your face. So far, I've been able to hold her off with a whip and a chair, but eventually she will break down the door and then you will be at the mercy of her hugging and crying," he sighed.

Tomoko put her face in her hands.

"Oh, God. And Diana's not going to take 'no' for an answer."

"Well, so far, she hasn't taken any variation on the word seriously at all and the things she has threatened to do to me, if you are harmed in any way, well, I tremble in terror," he informed her, though she could detect no actual terror in him at all.

She peeked at him between her fingers.

"Maybe you could talk Jake into distracting her?" She sighed deeply. "Or maybe I should just… get it over with, I suppose I have to come out sometime…" she was almost back in tears at the thought. "I just… don't leave me, Dar, please don't leave me, please?" She was rapidly devolving back into tears and she didn't know why. She despised clingy, helpless people.

"I am not going anywhere," he assured her again.

She found his words very calming.

"Thank you. I'm just… I am sorry to be so clingy, I don't even know why, I just… I need you right now."

"That's a subject that we should probably discuss, actually," he said with a cough of embarrassment. In all the time that she'd known him, she'd never known him to be embarrassed about anything.

Tomoko put her hands over her face. She knew she knew she needed to hear what Dar had to say, but she felt like she was drowning in new revelations and wasn't sure she could face another one, good, bad, or indifferent.

"What else happened?" She was scouring her memory; what else had she done while under Rassilon's influence?

"Just look down first," he suggested, shifting back from her a bit so that he was more visible to her.

She did, but initially shook her head. There was so much going on with her vision, streamers of light, bits and pieces of flotsam and jetsam, energy patterns and swirls.

"I can't… I can't tell what's what right now," she confessed. "There is so much stuff… what am I supposed to be looking at?

"Your chest," he hinted and then touched his finger lightly to where a slender golden cord was stretched between them.

"Wait… I see it… what is that? Is it normal?"

"Extremely rare, but normal. So far as I know, there are only three sets of these in the whole universe; Gaige and Adyra, Susan and the Koscheis, and you and me," he replied, his tone a mix of wry amusement and exasperation.

"Oh… the… Arkytior… thing?" she was scrambling around in her memory, trying to find that scrap of information, but it was out of reach of her fingertips. Nothing seemed to be orderly or neat in her head at the moment. "Something… this is what Rassilon wanted… wasn't it…?"

"Yeah, lucky me," he teased. "I got it instead. Which is better for me on a lot of levels."

She looked at his face, trying to divine how he was really feeling, something she could hardly ever tell from his expression. For all that he was now far more open to her and she realized that the golden cord must be the reason behind that, she still didn't quite feel that she had a grasp on the subtleties of his mind.

"Are you… happy with it?" She whispered shyly. She was deathly afraid of what the answer might be.

"That's an interesting question and one I've been wrestling with for a while. I always liked you, always felt drawn to you, even though it baffled the hell out of me, but I never imagined myself with anyone at all, let alone bond mated. I gave the Master a ton of shit about it over the centuries and I suspect that I will be getting repaid for that in full," he groused. "The thing is... every time I think about not being bonded to you... it... hurts. I don't like that thought at all. I don't like thinking about a future without you in it. All my life, I've been a loner, the guy who didn't get attached, and that's not really an option anymore. So, am I happy with it? I don't know. I do know that I don't want to mess this up and I am damn interested to see where it goes. I think happy or not happy will come later." He ended the speech by kissing her again, which eased the constriction in her chest and allowed her to think about his words rationally. It was an honest answer, and honest answers were the best ones. It was also pretty much how she felt about the whole thing, so it was okay.

"I just… I'm very tired right now," she said at last and he smirked at her.

"You've been through all eighteen hells, kid," he agreed. "Take a nap, I'll stand watch."

She looked at him in genuine surprise.

"You will?"

"Of course, gotta protect my spider, right?" he told her softly.

She jerked at that, painfully remembering the term, and how confusing it had been when she was under Rassilon's influence; but her head was so full to bursting that she simply wasn't capable of considering it in depth. She burrowed back down under the covers and was asleep in moments.

* * *

Koschei looked up as Dar walked into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee from the replicator.

"Well?" he asked.

"She's getting there," Dar replied. "She was pretty confused at first, but she seems to be remembering who she really is."

Diana burst into the room and stepped in front of Dar, hands on her hips.

"Sneaky! How did you get past me?" she demanded.

"I used the back door," he replied with a small smile.

"Oh! No fair!" she retorted. "You were supposed to be telling me how Tomoko is doing!"

"She's asleep and I need to get my coffee and be back there before she wakes up," he replied. "Other than that, only time will tell." He shrugged.

"Is that some Time Lord joke?" she asked him suspiciously and he just grabbed his coffee cup, patted her head, and left.

"He's really worried," Koschei sighed.

"How can you tell?"

"He didn't take the time to snark at any of us," Koschei replied, running his hand through his hair and feeling more concerned than he had before. "He also told the exact truth, no evasions, no qualifications, no frills. I think that may be the first time in ...oh, nearly eighty years that I have seen him that emotional."

"That was 'emotional'?" she asked in disbelief and Koschei smiled at her.

"He was letting us see his real thoughts. That's pretty emotional for Dar," he replied.

"Okay," Diana agreed, but with a dubious tone. "I'll take your word for it."

"He's been my best mate for more than a century, through the War, through everything that happened after it... and I've never seen him this rattled before, even when he was leaning against a bomb that could go off," Koschei explained to her and Diana nodded slowly. "For Dar, that was damn near hysterics."

Diana stared at him and then grabbed her own drink, gulping the soda with a sober expression on her face.

"Oh," she murmured, looking rather daunted by that.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Expanding Universe

When Tomoko awoke again the problems with her vision were even worse. It had gone wrong somehow; she was looking at lines of light and streamers of various colours whipping around her. There was something in her head, like a soft melody playing that soothed and confused her at the same time. She tried to move her arm and it left patterns of light trailing behind it. She stared at her hand and it seemed to dissolve, to cease being solid, and become a structure of compressed golden light.

It was the voices in her head that frightened her; many buzzing voices and a strange tuneless song that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.

There was something solid under her head, and she pushed off from it, disoriented, instinctively trying to get away from this dangerous place and to a spot of safety. Something struck her shoulder hard; she thought perhaps it was a wall.

"Tomoko!" She identified Dar first from the sound of his voice; his face seemed to be constructed of patterns of light. There was something steadying about that, about knowing he was right there.

"My eyes… something is wrong with my eyes!" she gasped, closing them tightly and putting her hands over them, trying to orient herself strictly by sound.

"You nearly died, but Susan saved you, by turning you into a Time Lord, remember?" he told her and she nodded again, still gasping for air. Her mind kicked in and she forced herself to think. She did remember, but it was as if she was watching her past action on a screen, someone else was performing the movements, with her as merely an audience in her own mind.

"I do remember, but it was nowhere near this intense," she admitted.

"It's normal, perfectly fine," he assured her. "You have gone from three-dimensional perceptual abilities to five-dimensional ones, you are seeing time, energy, the emotions of people around you, the energetic connections that we all have between each other. It's overwhelming, I know, but you will sort it out faster than you can believe right now. It's more intense now because your brain has had longer to settle and process the incoming data."

"I'm seeing energy?" she asked and then relaxed a bit, as she began to process all of that. "Yes, of course, like the Doctor was explaining to me before."

"Yes. You all right now? You want to try standing up?" he asked and she thought about that for a bit.

"Yes," she finally agreed and Dar put his arm around her shoulder and helped her sit up. The lines of energy bent and curved, dancing through her vision, and she gasped aloud.

"Oh. It's beautiful, the Doctor was right," she told him. "I can see so much!"

He helped her swing her legs off of the bed and then levered her to her feet and supported her, his arm around her holding her up. She was deeply grateful that he was such a big man just then, he was like a mountain beside her, steady and solid and she leaned gratefully against him.

"What is all this stuff?" she asked, pointing at the lines around her.

"Those are lines of probability, those are energetic stresses, those ones are fibres from superstrings, that's just bits of flotsam from another universe," he told her, pointing to different things in turn, explaining it to her, as he slowly turned her in a circle showing her everything that was visible in that room.

She felt a wave of sadness roll over her. This should have been an amazing time of discovery and adventure for her and all she felt was used and broken. Rassilon had stolen the joy of it from her.

She wondered if it would ever come back again, or if she would always feel just a little like a discarded toy.

"Hey," he murmured and pulled her back into a kiss. The sorrow fled as he worked his magic on her hearts and mind. He was doing something, she knew, supporting her, healing her, and she smiled a little as they drew apart.

"You are so much more than I thought you were," she told him and he smiled back.

"You too," he admitted. "First time I saw you again, I was dropped on my arse." He chuckled and she nodded, letting him push the sorrow away from her. It was still there, but somehow, it just didn't hurt as much, when he kissed her.

She planned on kissing him a lot.

* * *

If an Eternal could be considered to have desires, then the one known as Gardener desired to live. She knew though that life existed because the balance was kept between the forces of order and chaos, if one gained too much ascendency over the other, everything would end.

To that end, she supported both sides equally.

The same could not be said of all of her present guests.

They were in a place that existed solely because of the gathered ephemerals that moved, blissful and unconcerned, through its halls and passages. It was a palace of surpassing beauty, but Gardener couldn't really appreciate it and she knew it.

That lack in herself was a festering sore in her mind, but she pushed that aside again.

"We see that the shift has gone to the White Guardian for some time," Brilliance commented and Faraday nodded, composing his face into a frown to indicate his displeasure. Gardener found his attempts to display emotional context to be baffling, but said nothing. Whatever another Eternal did to amuse themselves was none of her concern after all.

"That can't stand," Wrack informed them. Gardener thought that Wrack was probably a bit mad these days. Ever since she'd been bested by That One, she'd been... different... almost emotional, which was interesting. Wrack supported Chaos, she always had, and the only amusement that she seemed to have was from watching destruction spill across the universe.

"I don't think it matters," Gardener interjected and the others looked at her in interest. Her loyalty to the concept of Balance was well known and if she was unconcerned by recent events, then they guessed that she must know something.

"That One has been very active lately," Swan pointed out, giving Gardener an intent look. "What do you think is going on?" Swan was of the faction that supported Order and her rivalry with Wrack went far back between them.

Gardener shrugged. She had no imagination, none of them did really. They were too ancient, had seen too much, and were aware of too much. The full breadth of memory, of reality, pressed on their minds until they were crushed under it, but still they continued on, existing endlessly without hope of reprieve. Still, she had the past to draw upon.

"In previous bouts, when pressed too badly, the Black Guardian has always reached for an assassin, trying to use some ephemeral to destroy the White's pieces. That he has made no such move tells me he has not fared as badly as all that," she pointed out and the others nodded, as they too parsed through the aeons of their memories.

"That is true," Wrack commented thoughtfully, a small sense of satisfaction detectable in her.

"Yes, he's really quite predictable in that way," Swan muttered and then nodded. "Very well, let us observe the next few moves carefully then." Swan rose, her form shifting to that of a humanoid female in flowing golden robes. "I will go and see." She faded from sight and they all followed her progress from this place to the realms of the ephemerals, before turning back to their own concerns.

Wrack stood for a while, thinking and then Gardener saw her too fade and head out into the physical universe and she felt some unease. Wrack was unstable and bore watching, she finally decided.

* * *

The Doctor was holding Justinian's head in his, as the boy lay unconscious on the Medi-bay bed. Koschei and Guinn were standing on either side of him, both looking equally grim and unhappy.

"He's not in there anymore," Guinn commented. "As far as I can tell."

"But, he certainly left a mess behind him," Koschei grumbled and the Doctor nodded his agreement.

"He wasn't gentle with the boy's psyche, no," he sighed.

"Is there anything you can do?" Rose asked them and Koschei crossed his arms and studied the ten year old carefully.

"I think that Guinn and I can do some repairs, but there is going to be some scarring here. We can heal up some sections, but his mind will never be quite the same, I'm afraid." Koschei said the words with a bitter grief that the Doctor had a great deal of sympathy with. They had had a duty to protect this child and they had failed at it.

"He's lost a lot of functioning," Guinn admitted. "We can repair some of it, but the damage goes very deep."

"How bad it is?" Rose asked, leaning forward to study their faces. She was watching them, the Doctor knew, to make sure that they didn't sugar-coat the information.

"It's bad," Koschei murmured. "If he can remember his name, or how to read and write, I'll be shocked."

Rose gasped and stared at them in horror before looking at the still, sleeping little boy.

"You can fix it though? Right?" she demanded and Guinn looked up at her, shuffling his feet and shoving his hands deep into his pockets. Koschei looked away from her, his face filled with his unhappiness.

"Some of it, yes," Guinn told her.

"What about Susan, could she fix more of it?" Rose demanded and the two versions of the same man looked at each other thoughtfully.

"Possibly. She has probably the most experience of any of us in repairing the damage that Rassilon has caused," Koschei informed her and then shrugged. "Even so, this much damage? I don't know."

"So, the short answer is that he may never recover, but you're not sure," Rose recapped with a frown.

"Yes, that's the answer," Guin agreed, looking sour as he said it.

The Doctor set Justin's head gently back down on the pillow and stepped back, letting go of his mind and watching his eyes flicker open. He saw all of them and began to scream, his voice high-pitched and shrill.

Rose rushed over to him and tried to soothe him, but he was violently thrashing, his arms and legs spasming.

"Stop that!" Diana shouted and they turned in surprise to see her come striding into the room, Jake following along behind, with a stern look on his face. To their amazement, Justin went still and just stared at her.

"I...I...know you, I think...," he murmured and Diana nodded.

"We had dinner a couple of times at the Doctor's place," Diana told him and he stared blankly at the bed, his hands smoothing the sheets.

Freeya burst into the room, he looked up at her, and his face cleared.

"Freeya!" he cried and she ran across the room and climbed onto the bed. They grabbed each other tightly and Justin burst into messy tears.

"Justin!" she sobbed and the two of them clung together, both crying. Rose sat down on the bed and gathered them both close to her and the rest of them silently filed out, leaving them to her.

The Doctor watched for a moment, knowing that Rose's empathic abilities were the best of any of them, but wishing he could do more himself. She looked up from over Justin's head and her eyes blazed with fury. He nodded and stepped out.

In this one thing, they were equally united. They wanted to punish the creature that had done this to the child. Somehow.

* * *

Taydin felt like someone had pummelled him insensate. His whole body ached and throbbed, his head was fuzzy, and he really wished that whoever was wielding the hammer, would stop pounding on his temple.

"Regeneration sickness," he grumbled.

There was movement next to him. His shifting about had roused Aislynn, who had been curled up beside him. She raised her head slightly, her eyes half-opening.

"Dreaming…" she mumbled indistinctly, and laid her head back down on his shoulder.

"If I was dreaming, it would hurt less," he pointed out.

"I'm dreaming," she responded after a long silence. She didn't seem at all anxious to move away from him, nor was he particularly inclined to let go of her. She fitted against his side rather nicely.

"Sorry, much as that would be pleasant, we're actually not," he replied. "I hurt. Regeneration Sickness. I think I need a doctor."

"None to be had," she murmured indistinctly into his shoulder, still not opening her eyes.

"I am fairly certain that there are doctors, somewhere in the universe," he contradicted, amused.

She smiled a little at that.

"It's a nice thought, isn't it?"

"Aislynn, you need to wake up enough to let me get some bloodflow back into my arm and let me find a doctor. I am really sick," he told her, feeling a sudden wash of pain through his body.

She opened her eyes at that, really opened them, though they seemed slightly out of focus. She peered at him, trying to determine his state. He was pale and there were lines of pain around his newly brown eyes. His hand was trembling as he tried to lift it.

"Don't worry," she tried to smile at him. "Just… rest… I'll get someone," she whispered, almost inaudibly.

"That's a good idea," he mumbled back, his skin growing even more pale as he lay there.

Aislynn's eyes misted over, but only very briefly.

"It was a nice dream," she whispered, very low, to no one but herself; and then began the task of trying to find her hands, never mind her feet for the moment. She had to find out where they were, and if by some miracle there was help to be had for Taydin.

* * *

The alarm bleeped and the Doctor looked at Gaige.

"Is that the Zero Room?" Gaige asked and the Doctor frowned and turned to head towards it.

"Yes, which is not a good thing," he replied, speeding into a run.

Koschei and Guinn came out of the workshop area, looking dishevelled and covered in grease and dirt.

"What's wrong with Aislynn and Taydin?" Koschei asked.

"If I knew, then it wouldn't be an emergency!" the Doctor shouted back as he continued to run.

He skidded around a corner, Gaige right on his heels, Koschei and Guinn right behind them, Jake and Diana's voices could be heard bringing up the rear and he hit the emergency override control on the Zero Room.

"Aislynn?" he called and peered in at the two of them.

Aislynn was moving feebly, trying to work her way to her hands and knees; but the abrupt sound, after the soothing silence of the zero room, made her grab for her ears, clearly in pain.

"Sorry," he whispered. "You all right?"

She had her eyes closed and her hands over her ears.

"Please help Taydin," she begged.

"Taydin, right," the Doctor replied and went over to where the Scout was lying, shivering, on the floor of the Zero Room. "Regeneration Sickness." He looked up at Guinn and Koschei, who both looked back at him in helpless ignorance.

"Let me," Gaige sighed and went over to the wall, pulling open a panel and removing a long box from it. "No one ever taught you where the emergency kit was?" he asked.

"I stole my TARDIS," the Doctor pointed out.

"Us too," Koschei and Guinn admitted in unison. "Never did bother to read the manual." Koschei added with a shrug.

"How did you lot ever manage to survive?" Gaige asked, rather aghast, as he set the box down beside Taydin and began pulling out the emergency kit and setting up around the now moaning Time Lord.

"That's an excellent question," Koschei sighed and knelt down to assist.

Adie watched in the doorway, obviously uncertain of what to do to help.

* * *

In the meantime, Diana was trying to get close to Aislynn, who had scrambled clumsily away from them all and backed herself into a wall.

"Come on, Lady A," she was soothing. "Everything is going to be okay. Let me see, come on now."

"Taydin," she murmured indistinctly.

"The other Time Lords are taking care of Taydin," she soothed, but after a minute looked up at Jake. "I think she has it too, whatever this is," she said. She was trying, unsuccessfully, to get Aislynn to take her hands down from her head. "Or something… come on Lady A…"

"Regeneration Sickness," Guinn explained softly. He squatted down next to Aislynn and spoke very softly. "You've just regenerated. Aislynn, you're in the Zero Room of Adie's TARDIS."

"Dreaming," she mumbled again. "Please help Taydin, please…"

"You're not dreaming, Aislynn, come on," he pleaded softly. "I need to see your energy, please uncoil for me, just a bit?"

"I think her ears are bleeding?" Diana squinted. "Come on Lady A…" She pulled gently at her hands. It took several minutes of soothing, but at length she was successful in getting them pulled away a little, though Aislynn was still semi-curled into a ball.

"No, she's just very much unbalanced," Guinn sighed.

"Terelinian will have to look at them when they get back," Koschei agreed.

"The skinny guy with the glasses?" Diana asked and Jake frowned.

"That's him. He's a doctor, but his speciality is Regeneration. He's useless for anything else, really," Koschei replied, chewing his thumb as he studied Aislynn and she got the feeling he didn't like the doctor all that much.

"That doesn't exactly sound like a ringing endorsement," Diana scowled. "Lady A deserves the best," her jaw set.

"He is the best, at regeneration-related stuff, I just don't like him personally. That's nothing against him exactly, but he was in love with my wife and I'm a jealous bastard," he informed her through gritted teeth and Guinn looked up at him in surprise, suddenly frowning as well.

"Oh." Diana frowned, trying to decide whether she would take Jake to a doctor if the doctor was an old flame of his. "So… why exactly aren't we in motion?" Diana looked at the Doctor.

"Because I'm a bit concerned about bringing Tomoko and Justin back to Gallifrey, before we've really made certain that they are safe," the Doctor replied.

"Then don't take them to Gallifrey! Go to Karn, I'll hop the Trans Mat and bring Terelinian back with me."

"No, we're just going to have to risk it," the Doctor disagreed. "We need to get them back right now." He stood and dashed out of the room. "Adie! Come on, we've got to get going."

Adie pounded down the corridor after him, double-time, without saying anything.

"What do we do in the meantime?" Diana looked at Gaige. "Blanket or something?"

"Artron bath," he replied, somewhat indistinctly, as he had a cable in his mouth, as he set up whatever the thing was that he was building.

"I take it that is the Artron bathtub?"

"Something like that, yeah," he mumbled and then hooked together two things that looked like glow rods and the whole thing started to hum and gently trickle golden light down on Taydin. It was some sort of glass structure that looked like a sudden cough would blow it over, but Gaige used it to lever himself to his feet, so it had to be stronger than it looked.

Diana nodded and simply picked Aislynn up, half carrying, half dragging her across the room to settle her down near Taydin. She was still mumbling "Help Taydin," but less distinctly than before.

"Don't worry," Diana soothed. "Everything is going to be all right."

She very much hoped that she was right about that.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Going Home Again

Rose came out of Justinian's room looking weary to the bone.

"Well?" Guinn asked her

"He's in bad shape," Rose sighed. "Having your brains squashed out of your head by an elephant is rather miserable."

"Yes," Koschei agreed and Rose pulled him into a hug, which he returned with a face full of grief and Guinn was surprised again by the obviously close friendship between the two of them. He could see why Koschei liked her, she had a boundless compassion and an open-hearted frankness that was quite disarming, and he could see that she opened her hearts to people and could see past the damage into them, but still felt a bit awkward around the Doctor's wife, as though he was an intruder somewhere he ought not to be.

"So, we take him home and hope for the best?" Rose asked them all and Guinn nodded slowly, still pondering the whole situation as Koschei released her and stepped back with a sigh.

"Well, the Doctor has decided that we need to get Aislynn and Taydin proper medical care right now, so home is the best place to be," Koschei replied. The hum of the TARDIS in flight underlined his words.

"Are they all right?" she asked. Guinn looked at her and wasn't sure what to say.

"They have Regeneration Sickness and it looks serious," he replied finally, deciding that honesty was the best policy.

"Let's go home then," she agreed and he just nodded.

* * *

Tomoko turned her attention back to the silvery cricket sitting contentedly in her palm. She looked up at Dar, trying to gauge how he felt about all of this and finding that the very complexity of him made it hard to figure it out. It was a bit frustrating just then.

"What would you think about dropping them off on Karn? We need a planetary defence system, and they could help with construction," she suggested, trying to evoke some sort of response, to get some hint about his feelings.

"I don't mind that, but you should probably ask your sisters first. Some of them are of the 'shoot first, ask questions later' type," he replied, which told her nothing about whether he was happy about it all or not.

"Mmm, yes, agreed." She looked at him appraisingly. "Are you all right?" She sounded a bit worried, as if she hadn't dared to ask the question before.

"I was rather terrified there for a bit," he admitted and the idea that Dar had been scared was a new and rather surprising thought. She had always sort of seen him as this unassailable mountain.

"Of Rassilon?" she asked.

"I am always scared of him, he's an absolute nutter, but no, I was mostly scared for you," he told her and his reply floored her completely.

"Dar… I…" but her voice trailed off. She was struggling for something, anything, to say. "I'm so sorry."

"For what? For not being stronger than Rassilon? None of us are. The entire race of Time Lords wasn't able to withstand his ... charm, or whatever it is. Even knowing what he is, you still find yourself sort of liking him at times. It's scary. There was nothing you could have done any differently. The thing was that I was mostly scared that he would figure out that we were bond mates. Once that had become known, it would have been the end for both of us."

She looked surprised.

"Why?"

"Because only a potential candidate, capable of becoming an Arkytior Conduit, can even have a bondmate. If he'd figured out that you were like Susan and Adie...," he trailed off and shuddered, looking a bit sick.

"But it was too late, wasn't it? He couldn't have replaced you. We were already bonded." She paused, her eyes darkening. "Unless he planned to split the bond somehow? Like Susan and the Koscheis?"

"Or, if he just decided to step over and take my body, the way he did Justinian's. The problem with you, is that you weren't close enough genetically to fit him. Me, though, well, I'm one of his descendants. I'd have been a perfectly good fit. Just step in, squash me like a bug, and instant Bond with a Conduit. All he'd have to do after that is trigger you into opening up." He paused and looked at her with a wry expression. "Yeah, my brain does actually work like that. I do think of these nightmares."

"I do too," she whispered and sat down on the bed, breathless from his description. "I never want to summon the Arkytior. I saw what happened with Adie."

"Then don't," he replied and shrugged. "It's a choice, not an inevitability."

"I… I just… I am so sorry. I feel like I ought to have done something else. I don't know what, just… something." Her head was bowed, looking at her intertwined fingers.

"What, like gone for help? You did. You got Guinn and Ghost Susan to come help and Ghost Susan and Tomoko Construct kicked a lot of arse, from what I heard."

"I know… I mean… I know all that, I do. It's hard to describe, I suppose."

"Tomoko, I was a mindless, heartless automaton for hundreds of years, doing what the CIA told me to do, no questions asked, and I didn't even have the excuse of being brainwashed. You lead revolutions! I was a slave to duty. I think you already did more than enough," he told her admiringly.

She looked up at him, and then came and placed her head on his chest, listening to his hearts.

"Why did you leave them? The CIA?"

"I didn't. Well, the last day of the War, I decided to actually send them a resignation, I shot a bunch of the Castellan's Guards. That was my letter," he snarked. "I stayed with them, thinking that I could do more from within than without, right up until they were about to kill my best friend and mind-rape his bond mate. That's when I went to talk to the Lady Professor. My one real act of rebellion," he chuckled. "I went to ask my Aunt's advice." He laughed. "Well, great-aunt, three times removed, or something."

"And you made it out of the War. I am glad you made it. I don't know what I would do without you right now."

"Yeah, kinda makes up for the other stuff, really," he murmured, holding her close and kissing her again with a soft wondering sweetness that she still found surprising, even after everything.

He held her for long moments, as she tried to breathe and find some way to fit all these new ideas into her head. He was a mountain sheltering her and it was another new and amazing thought. All her life, she'd been the one who'd had to protect everyone, lead everyone, go first. Now, here was Dar, doing for her everything she'd always had to do for everyone else. It was breathtaking. On top of everything else, she was utterly overwhelmed by how radically her entire life had shifted.

* * *

The Doctor leaned against the wall, watching Adie and Gaige as they moved around the console. It had been more than a century since Gaige had flown and he was rusty, but Adie was tutoring him and it was boosting her own confidence. He could have stepped in and helped, but he sensed that they needed some time to work out their relationship a bit, so he stayed back with Rose beside him.

They were all worried and tired and he was already planning out a holiday for the whole lot of them.

"So, where would you two like to live?" Rose asked them, trying to defuse some of their anxiety, he suspected. "Line House is open for you, of course, but if Gaige wants somewhere a bit less like an insane asylum, we will understand."

Adie looked surprised.

"I hadn't thought about it." She turned to regard Gaige with a smile that made the Doctor's hearts swell with joy. "We'll live wherever Gaige wants to, of course."

"Where are you happiest?" he asked back, looking equally willing to sleep on glass shards, if it made her happy, as she was.

She shrugged.

"I dunno, just, wherever you are."

"Right, this conversation will never get anywhere!" the Doctor chuckled. "You two will live at the Line House, until you decide you want to live elsewhere."

"That sounds good," Rose agreed. "They don't seem much in the mood for deciding, do they?" she teased, grinning at them both with a tongue in teeth smile.

"I think we just decided to live in the Line House," Adie smiled at her.

"Technically, the Doctor decided for us, but I don't really care, as long as we're together," Gaige told her with a lopsided smile.

* * *

After long moments, Tomoko was able to take a breath without feeling like her chest was too tight. She took another deep breath and stepped back from Dar.

"How have you been dealing with this?" she asked.

"It's been a crappy few days," he admitted and she winced thinking about just how badly things could have gone. "When the house blew up, Davian was killed," he told her and it was like a body blow. She flinched, feeling the weight of his death landing on her. "The kids were all in hospital, Pete nearly died, and I don't think that I have seen the Doctor that angry since the 'Plan' was explained to him by the High Council."

She nodded, even though she still felt like she was drowning in information, as she rubbed her hand over her eyes.

"I think I am done with hacking things," she said finally.

"I think that resolution will last just about as long as a mayfly in a hurricane," Dar informed her solemnly. "The first bit of injustice that comes your way and you will get right back up on the Gurrobeast and start riding again."

She was silent for a while.

"Maybe next time," she said unenthusiastically.

"Tomoko, you were possessed by the most powerful telepath in the history of the universe. A mind so vast, ancient, and potent, that he has lived for more than a billion years. I have no idea how Koschei and Guinn survived what they went through, but it was a light tap compared to what you just went through, albeit they had a lot longer to suffer than you did," Dar told her, still perfectly serious, none of his usual teasing at all in evidence.

Tomoko kept her eyes closed.

"How do we know I don't still have backup copies of him in my head?"

"Guinn and Koschei checked you over thoroughly," Dar told her.

Tomoko flinched as if he had struck her. She knew why it had been necessary, understood why they had done it, had had to do it; but she felt violated, even more so than before.

"Koschei and Guinn were in my head too?" She said into his shoulder.

"They felt terrible about it, but if Rassilon had been hiding in there," he tapped her forehead lightly, "It would have been rather bad." He shrugged. "As your Dads, they felt they were the best ones to do it."

"I know, I… I do. I just.." She shook her head, letting the sentence trail away, and came and listened to his hearts again. It was the only thing she was finding soothing right now.

"They also went into Justinian's head. They both looked like it was no fun at all. They weren't being tourists, kid, they were only looking for signs of Rassilon. They didn't peek in your pants drawer or anything." He looked a bit cranky, as though the thought of them doing so, made him a bit upset. "I made sure."

"Thank you. How is he? Justinian?"

"Alive and mostly all there, though he's prone to screaming and crying at the drop of a hat."

"I sympathize. I feel like screaming and crying myself."

"You two can scream and cry together, very therapeutic," he agreed. "You did good, you know."

"It doesn't feel like it," she mumbled into his shirt.

"Post Op is always a let down, you spend days just thinking through every mistake you made. Just remember, hindsight is brilliantly clear, but in the moment, you can only do the best that you can," he replied with an understanding look.

She was silent for a while.

"I have to go out there, don't I? Face the others?"

"Well, you could hide in here for the rest of your lives, but I suspect that eventually Diana will kick down the door, looking for you. She is rather determined," he teased.

"She always is… will you stay with me?" She felt a bit silly asking, as she had never been the helpless type, but just then, his support was all that was holding her together.

"For the rest of our lives, wife, I'm a bit stuck, you see," he told her with a wry grin. "You, me, and the kids." He gave the cricket an amused glance.

Tomoko smiled a little.

"Okay. Just… just don't go anywhere." She reached out to him and he put an arm around her waist, hugging her reassuringly, as they went to face the larger world.

* * *

Guinn frowned at Koschei. They had finally managed to elude everyone and get back to the workshop, to finish repairs on the poor TARDIS and the sudden anger pouring out of him made Koschei look up at him.

"What did you mean 'used to be in love with your wife'?" he growled and Koschei felt the familiar tightness in his chest that arose any time he thought of Susan being with anyone else but him.

"Back at the Academy, he had a crush on her," Koschei spat out, fists curling up. "When we got him back, he conspired with Susan's mother to get rid of me. In his defence, she told him that I'd coerced her into marriage, that she was just going to 'talk' to me, and that he would be doing something good for Susan. Really, though, she tried to kill me."

"He's still breathing, why?" Guinn asked with a feral light in his eyes.

"Susan smacked him and gave him the most amazing speech ever," he replied, feeling the joy of that all over again. "Told him that she adored me, that I was the only one she'd ever choose, even if she hadn't been Bonded to me. Told him he was a king-sized arse to suppose for two seconds that she was a damsel in distress and then threatened to hit him again." He was grinning at the memory and Guin just stared at him.

"She said that?" he asked. "That she would have chosen you anyway?"

"Yeah," he replied. "She did." He also recalled that she had been incandescently angry at the thought that she needed to be protected and that made him wince.

"What?"

"We are in serious trouble with her," he groaned and the light died in Guinn's eyes.

"Arkytior-chow. That's what we are," he agreed and Koschei winced.

* * *

When Tomoko came out of the Medi-bay, she had her hand on Dar's arm. He was helping her to navigate through the world of energy patterns. She was gaining confidence rapidly, but her steps weren't quite steady.

The first person they met, waiting outside her door, was Diana. Tomoko was surprised at how she looked, at her energy patterns, all tightly coiled like a spring, ready to jump, which is precisely what she did.

"Tomoko!" she cried and hugged her hard, her emotions swirling around like streamers.

"Diana?"

The two girls embraced for a minute.

"Are you all right?" Diana asked and her face was filled with such worry that Tomoko felt terrible for putting her through so much.

"I'm all right," she assured her, trying to smile as realistically as she could. Diana held onto her tightly and Tomoko was glad to have her love and support just then.

"You scared us, you scared everybody! Don't ever do that again!" Diana scolded her and Tomoko fought back a smile at that.

"Never again, promise," Tomoko told her, and then they started talking in earnest.

Diana had a million questions, and Tomoko didn't necessarily have a million answers; but Dar was there to help her over the rough spots, and she found that his presence was enough to keep her from losing her way.

* * *

Adie, with Gaige to help her, brought the ship in to dock in Susan's clinic. Koschei and Guinn were standing by the railings, looking like they weren't exactly sure that they wanted to be there. Diana and Jake were hovering over Aislynn and Taydin, supporting and steadying them.

"You two will have to face her eventually, you know," Rose chided the two Koscheis.

"I could always shoot you or something," Diana offered, "So you're unconscious when she comes aboard," she said half-sympathetically and half-teasing.

"That's... more tempting that it ought to be," Guinn sighed and Koschei shook his head.

"No, it'll be painful, but we just need to take our medicine with good grace," he told them all, looking as though the 'medicine' was going to be quite unpleasant.

Adie pulled at Gaige's hand.

"Come on," she told him, "We'll go hide all the spanners, and you can come and meet Susan before the fur starts flying."

"I am now rather nervous," Gaige admitted.

"Come on," Diana began walking with Aislynn, supporting most of her weight, "Let's go find this doctor dude." She listened closely to her mumble. "It's all right, Rassilon is gone, Jake has Taydin, come on now…"

Jake had most of Taydin's weight on his shoulders and was edging him towards the doorway, in preparation for disembarking.

"Not to worry," Dar assured him. "The way to stay on her good side is just to not be a moron. Sadly, those two have troubles with that. A lot." He guided Tomoko over to where Jake and Diana were helping out the other two and stayed near enough to help, if it became necessary.

"Speaking of which," Adie said to Gaige as they headed for the door, "If you ever get kidnapped, I want to be the first to know." She shot a worried glance at Aislynn and Taydin.

"Absolutely, after all, you are the head of the Rescue Gaige Party, so you'd be the person I called for first!" he assured her with a grin.

"How come she's the head of that party?" Dar asked.

"Because she didn't need to be rescued from her rescue attempt," Gaige retorted and Dar winced.

"That was so not my fault! A sexy girl asked me out, what was I supposed to do?" he asked, winking at Tomoko, who shrugged.

"I expect you'll sleep with her, pry all of her secrets out of her mind, and then come and tell them all to me," she said easily, but he shook his head.

"I meant you!" he told her in exasperation. "Besides, you got me on a leash, kid, I can't stray!" He pointed to the golden cord.

"I dunno, I never thought of myself as sexy, I'm not very curvy like Susan," Tomoko mused thoughtfully. Her words were not self-depreciating; like all things, this was a puzzle to be studied from all angles.

"I will be happy to discuss the subject with you in great detail, but in private, later," he teased and waited for Adie to finish the re-materialization and open the doors.

Looking around at the walking wounded, he felt a twinge of anger. This had been a huge mess from start to finish and he really felt like they had all gone through the meat grinder.

What they really needed, Dar decided, was a holiday.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Angry Ginger

Susan was settled into one of the armchairs, reading to the children. Jenny and Jamie were pressed against her on either side, with Finn and Arista curled into Andred and Leela's arms. Wilf and Donna were sitting nearby, with Toby, Ril, and Myrdin cuddled against them.

Over the last two days, as children healed and went home, they returned to share story time with those still too injured to leave hospital. Finn and Arista had left hospital yesterday, but they had begged to come back for the story.

Susan smiled at Jenny and continued to read, as Lewis Carroll's nonsense rhymes and foolish characters continued to charm yet another generation of children.

Once Andred and Leela had left, Wilf settled down beside her in the other chair and watched the children as they sat together, playing snakes and ladders.

"How are you doing?" Susan asked him softly and Wilf looked at her with a grief-stricken expression that struck her to the hearts.

"Davian, he wanted to be an astronomer. I was teaching him," Wilf began and then he couldn't speak any longer, turning his face so the children wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.

"He loved you and thought the universe of you," Susan murmured and patted him gently.

"I don't understand, Susan. How could one of your own people...," he gasped and Susan sighed.

"Every race has it's devils, Wilf," she told him gently. "Rassilon is ours." He was staring at her, trying to reconcile all that he knew of them with that and she smiled a bit bitterly. "Did you think we were all good?"

"All the ones I've met have been wonderful," he told her softly and her smile turned more natural.

"I'll introduce you to my mother, it will broaden your horizons," she told him dryly and he chuckled and shook his head.

"No, your father has told me all about that," he assured her. "I suppose that I thought that it was just her though."

"Well, to be fair, we have far fewer nutters than your race does. We had advanced mental assistance centres and screening that caught most mental illnesses early. My mother went mad as a result of the War, my husbands were driven mad on purpose, my grandfather was always a bit odd, but not actually crazy, the Rani was really insane, but not as much before the War as she became during it. Rassilon, well... He's the oldest Time Lord alive. He is over a billion years old, Wilf. He's brilliant, powerful, and ancient. He is a sadistic, supremely powerful person, who has gone round the bend because he's lived far too long."

"Hopefully, the Doctor is putting an end to that," Wilf muttered and Susan looked at him in surprise. She had never before heard him say a harsh word about anyone before and it made her sad to see that Rassilon had pushed him so far.

There was a trail of broken lives left in Rassilon's wake and Susan wondered how she was ever going to get them all mended.

* * *

Susan looked up, as she felt Koschei and Guinn's minds moving closer to her. She rose unhurriedly and headed for the door of the children's room, hoping that her very nonchalance wouldn't startle or alarm them.

"Susan?" Jenny asked, voice trembling. "Where are you going?" Susan hid her wince from the child and turned to smile.

"I think I hear a TARDIS," she told her much younger aunt, who looked up at her hopefully.

"Is it Mummy and Daddy?" she asked and Jamie poked his head up out from under the covers.

"I think so, but I'm not sure. You all stay here and I'll go find out," she suggested and Myrdin looked up at her with bleak eyes.

"Will Freeya and Justin be with them?" he asked with an expression of weary disappointment that was too mature for his face.

"Koschei and Guinn would never come back without them," she assured the children. If the children were dead or alive, they still would have come back with the kidnapped pair.

Myrdin nodded, seeming to be satisfied, but it was hard to tell. He'd grown even more defensive, rather than less, as time passed without news of Freeya's whereabouts.

She hugged Jenny and went out of the room, worried about the children and also about who was coming home and how damaged they might be as well. Rassilon had never been gentle with his toys.

She stood near where her TARDIS usually parked and watched as two ships faded into existence against the wall, each of them taking on different appearances. One became a bookcase, the other a large clock, and she shook her head, wondering again what the maths were for the circuits, because they seemed to have a whimsical aspect. She was happy to see two ships though, since it meant that they had retrieved Adie's.

Rose and the Doctor were first out the doors and Susan greeted them both with hugs, deeply relieved to see them both safe.

"Everyone's all right now. How about with you?" she asked and Rose nodded.

"They're all alive, bit beaten up, but not too bad. Aislynn and Taydin regenerated and are rather ill. Where are the children?" Rose reported and Susan nodded.

"Aislynn and Taydin will need Terry," Grandfather added.

"The children are all fine and awake, they are waiting for you in the clinic," she assured them and they took off running, while Susan waited for the rest of the group, tapping into her notebook and setting up an appointment for Terelinian's services.

Taydin and Aislynn emerged next, supported by Jake and Diana, and Susan bowed politely to them. Aislynn looked exceptionally shaky for a new regeneration and Taydin didn't look much better.

"Welcome home. I have contacted Dr. Terelinian, he's our regeneration specialist, he's waiting in exam room three for you," she told them.

Diana paused for a moment, supporting the semi-conscious Aislynn.

"Look… Dr. Terelinian… he is the best, right? The very, very best?"

Diana's face was uncertain. It was easy for Susan to imagine that her husbands might not have given the type of endorsement that she would have found comforting. Koschei was still far too angry and jealous to be impartial on the subject. Diana had come to trust Susan but, Terry was an unknown quantity. Her worry for Lady Aislynn was too great for her to take any chances with her life.

"He is the best, the very, very best," Susan soothed, seeing the unspoken fear in Diana's face. "Top of his class in energy work, foremost expert in his field for decades, and really quite brilliant in this area. He will take excellent care of them."

Diana searched her face and seemed to find something in it comforting, or perhaps she was reassured by the confidence in Susan's voice.

"Okay, then. Come on, Lady A," she said, and the four of them went on their way. They were so exhausted that they didn't say another word as they shuffled down the corridor, not even to each other.

Susan knew Terry would do well by them, she just wished that she could have back their old friendship. She missed that, though with all that had happened between them, she wasn't sure that they could ever be friends again. The thought made her both sad and angry.

Dar and Tomoko came out next, moving equally slowly. Tomoko especially looked like hell. Her face was drawn and haggard, her eyes dark with grief and guilt. With them they had Freeya and Justinian, and Susan rushed forward and hugged both children against her, so relieved to see them that she could hardly keep from tears. She barely had time to even notice the golden thread between Dar and Tomoko, she was so consumed with holding and comforting the children.

"I am so glad that you are both safe," she told them. "We've all been so worried." Freeya burrowed against her, face hidden and arms around her waist, hugging her tightly, but Justin pulled back and looked at Susan accusingly.

"You knew, didn't you? You knew that I was his clone!" Justin demanded and his eyes were filled with anger and a sense of betrayal.

"Yes, I knew," she told him gently. She pulled him back into her arms and kissed him on the top of his head. "It doesn't matter though, Justin, it really doesn't. Look at Diana and Tomoko, see how wonderful they are, despite where they came from. Your genetics don't matter that much, what matters is their expression, how they come out, and you came out to be a really lovely person." He looked up at her, obviously startled by her words and then he nodded slowly.

"He broke stuff in my head," Justin admitted. "It's hard to think straight and I can't get comfortable in my body." Susan nodded her understanding. "I don't remember how to read, or write, I can barely remember my family. Everyone says it will get better, but I don't know how."

"I know," she told him softly. "It really will get better. You'll have nightmares for a while, panic attacks, times you feel so scared that you can't even breathe, but after a while, it gets better. The nightmares happen less and less, the panic attacks start to fade, and then you heal. In the meantime, we'll play the reading and writing songs for you and you'll learn it all again in no time." He listened to her gravely, looking as though he'd aged a decade in the last few days. Tomoko, she noted, was also listening very closely to her.

"What do I do?" he asked.

"You talk to people, to a therapist, to your friends. You talk and you don't ignore how you are feeling, you don't stuff it in a box, you face it. If it gets really hard, you come and talk to me," she answered and he nodded, slipping his hand into Tomoko's. The dark haired girl smiled down at him.

"Would you like to see your friends?" She asked Justin. "You can see them in their room…." He looked at her for a moment and then nodded, leaving the room with Tomoko and Dar.

"I saw him die," Freeya said to Susan, once the others were gone.

"You'll need to talk to someone too," Susan held her tightly, wishing that she could make all her pain go away.

"I was so scared!" Freeya sobbed suddenly, holding onto her desperately, and Susan just clutched her more tightly. The child was pressed against her and she rested her head on the blond mop of her hair, eyes closed, feeling as though she had narrowly avoided a terrible wound. She had come to truly love this child and losing her would have been even more devastating than she had realized.

"Me too," she admitted. "I was really worried about you." Freeya nodded and held onto her for a long time, before she took a deep breath and let go.

"I'm going to go see Jenny, okay?" Freeya told her and Susan nodded, reluctant to release her, but knowing that Myrdin was probably pacing by now.

"Toby, Rilmar, and Myrdin are there too," she replied and Freeya's face lit up. She ran from the room to go to her friends and Susan bit her lip. She was about to find out that Davian had died and part of Susan wanted to be there for her, but the other part of her needed to have a serious talk with her husbands.

Last to come out was Adyra and a young man whom Susan didn't know. He was tall, rather plain of face, but with deeply tanned skin, pale, nearly white hair, and a pair of intelligent gray eyes that transformed his otherwise forgettable appearance into something quite striking.

"Susan, this is Gaige," she said shyly. "He's my bondmate."

Gaige bowed formally, with a fluid grace that surprised her. He might not look like much, but he moved like a dancer and her appraisal of him went up a few notches.

"Gaigerandettian, of the Arcalian Chapter, my Lady Susanatrevallar," he introduced himself and she bowed back.

"As you are family, Susan will do just fine," she assured him and he smiled and nodded.

"We were going to and visit the children, at least if they can have visitors? Maybe we ought to give the Doctor and Rose a few minutes… we'll just hang out in the waiting room." Adie gave her an abrupt hug. "Thank you for taking care of them!" She pulled at Gaige's hand. "Come on."

Susan gave them a slightly bemused look and then stepped into the TARDIS.

* * *

Rose burst into the clinic and saw the rows of little beds, her eyes scanning for her children.

"Mummy!" Jenny screamed and flung herself into her mother's arms. Rose knelt down and caught her daughter against her, clinging to her with all her strength.

"Jenny!" she sobbed, so very grateful to be holding her again.

"Mummy!" Jamie shouted and ran to her as well, to be gathered close to her hearts.

The Doctor knelt down and hugged them all.

"Da!" Jamie and Jenny cried, all of them hugging and crying, unable to frame coherent thoughts, just holding on and sobbing out their relief and their fears, clinging tightly to the people they loved best in the universe.

"Dav died, Daddy," Jenny told him, her face crumpled with grief and the incomprehension of a six year old faced with loss for the first time ever.

"I know baby, he died in the explosion," the Doctor told her.

"He saved us," Toby told them and Rose opened her arms to include her baby brother, who huddled against her. He'd lost his best friend in the world and the devastation of that was etched on his face.

"They told me, at the hospital," the Doctor replied, tears in his eyes, as he thought about the gentle little boy trapped in a man's body.

"He was so much bigger than we are, he threw himself on top to protect us. Dad had Jenny and Jamie and Finn and he got hurt protecting them too," he told them, the words tumbling out of him as he sobbed against them.

"That's what you do, Toby," Rose told him. "You protect people, that's what love's all about."

"I miss him so much," Toby told them, crying now with great hiccuping sobs, his shoulders shaking and his body spasming from his grief and all Rose could do was to hold him, to hold them all and try to feed them some sense of safety, of refuge.

"I know, Toby," she told him and stroked his head gently. "I do too."

She looked at the Doctor's bleak expression and understood then that this was what it had been like for him for far too long, having to watch people die, consumed by time and entropy, one by one, until he was all alone. She was holding Toby against her, knowing that one day she would watch him age and die and the thought was unbearable just then.

She grabbed the Doctor's hand in hers and held it tightly. They had each other and their children, they would have that for the rest of their lives. That was what she had to cling to.

* * *

Freeya peeked into the green painted room and looked about shyly.

"Freeya!" Myrdin shouted and launched himself at her. She hugged him back, her face buried in his shoulder, trying not to just burst into tears. Rill ran to her and grabbed her legs, then Toby and Jenny both joined in and their combined weight knocked her over, laughing and crying at the same time and trying to hold them all to her at once.

Her best friends were all... she paused and looked around, missing one particular face.

"Where's Dave?" she asked suddenly and the stricken looks on all of their faces spoke louder than words.

The tears came in earnest then, as she sobbed out her grief and the desperate sorrow of yet one more loss.

The Doctor and Rose both sidled over and she found herself being cradled by Rose, as she stroked her hair and murmured soothingly to her, with the Doctor staring at her in distress and shared grief.

It struck her then that he wasn't scary.

Rassilon had been scary, he'd terrified Freeya, his callous disregard for everyone but himself had frightened her half to death.

The Doctor though, he cared and that made a difference, one she hadn't grasped before. With a hiccuping sob, she grabbed hold of his hand and held on tightly. He wasn't a monster, because she had met a real one and could now tell the difference.

* * *

Susan stepped into the TARDIS, saw her husbands standing there like guilty children, and frowned.

"So, first of all, are you two both all right?" she asked, hugging Guinn and then Koschei and scanning them both.

"Tired, but otherwise mostly in one piece," Koschei replied, watching her warily, and she nodded.

"Good. Now, second off, how is it that, even after everything we have gone through together, neither of you trust me?" she snapped at them and they both blanched, looking shocked by her accusation.

"Of course we do!" Koschei protested.

"No, you don't," she contradicted. "If you trusted me, you would have told me what was going on."

"You were talking care of the children, we didn't want to distract you!" Guinn told her frantically.

"I was a battlefield doctor. I performed surgery while Dalek fleets were bombing the planet and you were worried about distracting me?" she told them and her anger was so fierce that it had gone cold and icy. She felt the rage inside her, but the bitterness was far worse. They both winced at her words and tone.

"I had forgotten that," Guinn admitted and she nodded, after all, he hadn't seen that part of her life. His Susan had died before she ever left the Tower.

"I knew that in my head, I suppose," Koschei grimaced. "I just hadn't thought it through."

"No, you didn't think," she informed them in a chill tone. "You really didn't, because if you had, you'd have told me that I was in danger of dying, or that you might need me in gestalt with you suddenly. That way, I'd have had warning when you called on me, instead of having been in the middle of a surgery!"

They both froze.

"Surgery?"

"Yes! I'm a doctor! I do that! I was in a hospital where there were patients and I am a doctor! What did you think, that I'd help our children and then walk away? I stayed and helped out, consulted on a few cases, handed out some medicines, and performed some surgeries! Then, right in the middle of some rather delicate manoeuvring through a young man's medulla oblongata, I get an emergency call from you two!"

"I'm so sorry," Guinn told her, his face drained of blood and looking deeply shaken.

"I had to pass it off to Professor Boma and leave the room!" she shouted, the rage flaring up now into hot fire, melting the ice in her hearts.

"I didn't know," Koschei whispered.

"No! Because neither of you ever stop and think! You try to protect me, time and again, and every time it blows up in your face and you still don't learn! You don't trust me to be able to cope with things, you don't trust me to be strong enough, or smart enough, or to love you enough! I'm your wife! If we can't have a marriage based on trust and mutual respect, then we cannot have a marriage! Do I make myself clear?" she told them in a tone that could have chiselled stone. She looked at them, loving them both more than her own life, but not about to stay with them, if they couldn't accept her as an equal.

"I'm so sorry!" Guinn gasped out. "Susan! I'm sorry! It will never happen again! I promise!" he begged and she turned to look at Koschei.

"You're right," he sighed out. "I didn't trust you to be able to cope and that was stupid and wrong of me. I was worried that you couldn't control the Arkytior, even though you've proven several times that you can keep her in check." He shook his head. "It's just that I want for you not to suffer, or feel pain anymore, and instead, all I do is hurt you, again and again. I'm an idiot." He looked up at her, his face filled with self-condemnation.

"Yes," she agreed and Guinn was really looking scared now, looking back and forth between them in alarm, but she had no space in her hearts right then to feel anything but the rage.

"I'm sorry. You're right, as usual," Koschei told her.

"When we first got married, do you remember what I told you?" she asked and he looked up at her and nodded.

"That when I messed up, you'd tell me, and when you messed up, I'd tell you, and together we'd work this all out."

"Yes," she nodded. "You messed up."

"I did, rather spectacularly," he replied and then dropped his head and shook it slowly. "How do you ever put up with me?" His expression was one of earnest curiosity and she sighed out.

"Masochist," she replied, her sense of humour reasserting itself.

"It's the only answer," he sighed ruefully. He looked up at her with that curled lip smile and she chuckled.

"Bastard," she sighed out and Guinn was staring at them both.

"Uh... are we being kicked out?" Guinn asked, still looking rather worried.

"No, Guinn," she told him and he slumped in relief. "This is a warning though. I love you both, but I can't live like this. You cannot keep me in the dark, do you understand?" They both nodded, Koschei more calmly and evenly than Guinn did. "You do something like this again, though, all bets are off. I might hate it, but I can live a celibate existence, if I have to. Got that?"

"Yes," Guinn said and swallowed hard.

"Understood," Koschei agreed.

"Oh, that was masterful!" applauded a slender brunette, who popped into existence next to her, and Susan turned to face herself.

"Hello Susan," she greeted her ghost.

"Hello Susan!" her ghost chimed brightly back at her.

"I really miss those eyes, I liked the green," Susan sighed, looking herself over and feeling a sudden surge of weary grief. She was looking at a version of herself that hadn't fought in the Time War, that hadn't suffered the tortures Rassilon had put her through, who hadn't had two hundred years of being kept from Koschei, and that had had her memories of David and of the Tower erased from her mind. This was her, before she'd been broken, when she had still been all bright sparkle and joyful laughter.

It hurt like hell to look at her.

"I like the brown eyes," her past self told her and smiled brightly, a smile she hadn't seen in the mirror since before David had died. She looked at the ghost of her other self and then at Guinn, who obviously loved her and felt another pang of anguish at that. Was she what he really wanted? Was the spritely girl his ideal of her? How did he feel about the broken, wounded creature that she was now? Did he compare the two of them and find her wanting? The pain of that made her eyes sting and she felt her face freezing over as she fought for self-control.

"I have to go take care of my patients," she told them all and left the TARDIS abruptly.

"I don't think she likes me," her past self said sadly as she went, but Susan couldn't stop and explain it to her, she hurt too much and had gone through too much lately, to be able to deal with this on top of everything else.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - Impossible Things

"Whoops!"

Diana jumped to help, as Jake staggered abruptly sideways. Taydin, who had been making at least some attempt to pick up his own feet, had stumbled, on the verge of collapse, and the shifting of his weight had thrown Jake off-balance.

Diana shifted Aislynn and grabbed for Taydin's free arm with her other hand. Jake recovered quickly and shifted his own grip; and together they tugged the Time Lords towards Exam Room Three, which was just around the corner. The first sight that met their eyes when they turned the bend was Dr. Terelinian, who was coming towards them at a sprint.

"Bring them into the examination room," he said, taking Diana's place at Taydin's side, giving her an easier time with Aislynn. "I've already got the dampeners set," he continued, speaking like they had some clue what he was talking about.

"Great, just show us where to go," Diana returned her attention to getting Aislynn moving.

"This way," he told her and half dragged Taydin inside a room that felt odd to Diana. It was like being enclosed in cotton wool, sounds were muffled, and she felt really calm all of a sudden.

"Oh, this is that weird firefly stuff, I get it… I think," she said and got Aislynn stretched out onto one of the tables, making sure she was comfortable.

"Firefly?" Terry asked, even as he was helping Taydin into a bed.

"Tomoko's fireflies. If they land on your head and light up, it's all… I dunno, fuzzy like this. At least the big ones."

"They must be generating an ion field," he muttered, running a scanner over Taydin with an absorbed air.

"Will they be okay?" Diana knew it was early to be asking, but she was worried.

"I might have to finish the examination before I answer that question," he replied, still running his scanner over Taydin.

"Sorry," she murmured in response, held Aislynn's hand, and just waited.

"Taydin," mumbled Aislynn indistinctly. "Rassilon…"

"No," soothed Diana, "Rassilon is long gone, remember? And Taydin is here. It's okay, Dr. Terelinian will fix him right up. You'll see."

"Taydin…"

"Right here," Diana patted her hand soothingly. "He's going to be fine."

Terry bent over Taydin and frowned, humming a bit to himself and Aislynn looked at him groggily.

"Singing?" she muttered, looking at him in surprised confusion.

"Well, not anywhere near to your level, but yes," he admitted and she nodded, before falling back onto her own bed. He continued humming and then got a bunch of large crystals of various shapes and sizes and set them around Taydin. Then he left him and went over to examine Aislynn, doing much the same.

"What's all that stuff?" Jake asked.

"Altering the resonating frequencies of their energetic state," Terry murmured and Jake looked at him blankly. "Giving them a tune-up," he explained again and Jake just nodded.

Diana opened her mouth, thought better of it, closed it again, and just waited.

Terry looked up at her and then back down to his instruments.

"Could you two step back a bit, your energy fields are interfering with the sensors here," Terry told them with a small smile.

"Sorry," Diana said, and moved in the indicated direction.

"Normally, it wouldn't be a problem, but you've just had a major energetic re-alignment and the residual energy is highly disruptive," he told them.

"Well, they regenerated together," Diana wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"No, not them, you two," Terry corrected, pointing at herself and Jake. "You've been massively altered recently."

Diana looked at Jake in some alarm, but he seemed to be all right.

"We have?"

"That's what my scanners say and that's what it feels like," he said with a shrug.

"What does that mean in human speak," Jake asked with a touch of irritation and Terry shrugged again.

"I'm not sure that it translates," he apologized. "You've been altered on a Quantum level, a radical fundamental shift in your beings. I don't know how, why, or even what, but I can read that it happened."

Diana furrowed her eyebrows thoughtfully, but didn't speak again until it looked like the good doctor was at a pausing point.

"Like… being irradiated maybe?"

He stared at her for a moment and then shook his head.

"No, completely different, but sure, if you like," he told them and went back to work on Aislynn.

Diana looked at Jake with a scowl. The thought that he might not be completely all right made her very nervous.

Terry put more rocks around Aislynn and nodded.

"Okay, they need to rest, but things should improve dramatically now. They're a bit reactive still, but it should stabilize. A bit of disorientation isn't unusual," he nodded at Aislynn, "but it will fade quickly."

"Thank you," Diana said, and meant it. "They'll really be all right?"

"Well... they will live," he temporized. "The rest is a bit of an unknown, I'm afraid."

"Yes, I just bet it is," she snarked. "Okay, so what about this irradiated thing with Jake?"

"Not irradiated and not just him, both of you," Terry corrected, walking over and turning the scanner on both of them.

"Well…" She looked at the Time Lords, but they were both sleeping quietly. Already their colour looked better. "What happened?"

"To them, or to you?" he asked in confusion.

"Um…. both? Start with them though."

"Well, they were Singing, you understand how that works?" he asked.

"Yes. No. Well… Lady A sings and stuff happens. It's like musical maths."

"Close. Block Transfer Mathematics literally remodels reality according to the equations postulated by the mathematician...," he saw their blank looks and tried again. "They Sing and reality shifts to match what they are Singing."

"Gotcha," Jake replied. "That's... wow."

"Yes," Terry agreed, a smile on his face as he nodded.

"That's how we busted out of the Möbius Loop," added Diana. "It was messy, but it worked."

"Right. So, when a Singer does that, they have to balance the equations. You can't just make something from nothing, you have to get the mass, or the energy, from somewhere. Mass converts to energy and vice versa, after all, but neither can be ... never mind. The point is, that they need something to start with. So, if they are Singing, they aren't just affecting reality right then and there, but all over the place. With me so far?"

"Yes, so far, so good."

"Right. So they were both Singing, I take it?" Terry asked.

"Yes. Big whirlpools-o-death. With like, these things where they intersected. These weird ghosty things."

Terry stared at her, silent for a long moment, his jaw tight and his eyes wide.

"Right," he said in a slightly higher-pitched tone. "So, reality was actually crumbling where their Songs intersected and that was allowing Never-Weres to start coming through." He cleared his throat. "That means that they were unravelling themselves as well."

"Is that why they are so sick now? Well that and regenerating together?"

"Regenerating together isn't a problem. Married couples often do," he told her with a nod at Aislynn and Taydin.

"Aislynn and Taydin aren't married. Although I think she has a huge crush on him."

"Uh... none of my business and it doesn't change the statement. Regenerating together isn't a problem. The problem is that they were falling apart, even before they started to regenerate, and needed more assistance than was readily available."

"Because of the Neverwere ghosts."

He stared at her again and then seemed to just give up.

"They were sick, now they are getting better, but they still need to heal," he told her.

Diana exhaled, not exactly a sigh.

"So what happened to us then… oh! They Sang at us! I forgot! They must have."

"Ah, well then they did some... they fixed you, or rebuilt you, or something. You'll have to ask them when they wake up," he told her, talking slowly and carefully, as though he wasn't sure she'd understand.

"Right. To balance it out," Diana rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Do you have any idea what that means for us? Will Jake get sick?"

"I haven't a clue. I mean, you seem healthy enough, within the parameters of the Masha Norm," he replied.

"Right, I have a healing factor, I'll be fine." She frowned suddenly as a thought struck her. "at least… I did have one? Do I still have one? Can you tell?"

"That would be something to ask Susanatrevelar about," he told her. "I'm an energy rebalancer, not a medical doctor in the way that she is."

"Or I could just download a magic 8-ball app," Diana said and then added, "I'm sorry, that was snarky… it's been kind of a ride. Thank you for taking care of Aislynn and Taydin. We'll be back to check on them, okay?"

"I'm sure that I would have laughed, had I known what a 'magic 8-ball' was," he replied and smiled a bit weakly at them.

Diana looked chagrined.

"I'm sorry… are you all right?"

"I'm a little tired. Once I have them rebalanced, I'll need to sleep for a while. It's tiring work," Terry explained. "I have to use a lot of my own energy to do it."

She nodded.

"We'll leave you to it then," she smiled at him.

"Have a nice day," he told them, repeating the words like he was speaking a foreign language that he didn't quite understand.

* * *

"You know," Diana scowled to Jake, once they were well away from the examination room, "I could download a magic 8-ball app. I would have a decent possibility of getting the correct answer and the damned thing wouldn't look at me like I am stupid all the damn time."

"I think that when you talk to someone from a civilization so advanced that they don't know what a frying pan is, or why you'd need one, that there can be some confusion," Jake replied. "I don't think he's the sort of guy who goes down to pub for a few pints, either. He's a bit of an egghead."

"It's not just him. Every time I have opened my mouth lately, someone has been jumping down my throat for asking questions. And yes, I know everyone is stressed and yes, I realize I am being the bigger person, but bloody hell! I am about to throw up my hands and move to frigging Karn or somewhere."

"We could go down to the pub and hang about with some other humans for a bit. Toss some darts, drink a pint or two, and have a chat about football, like normal people, instead of Time Lords," he told her.

"I know, but we need to talk to Susan, and then maybe to the Koscheis."

"Well, then I guess we're stuck feeling like morons for a bit longer," he shrugged. "I mean, we're surrounded by geniuses, so it's only natural that we feel a bit dim in comparison. It's just that we're normal, you and I."

"Maybe, but the next time one of them talks to me like I am an idiot, I am going to punch them in the nose," she grumbled. "Come on, let's find Susan."

"Sounds good. Though... let's wait until she's done tearing a strip off of the Koscheis," he suggested.

Diana checked her watch.

"Ten minutes you think?"

"She should have them turned to jelly by eight minutes, but let's give her ten to really stomp them," he chuckled.

* * *

Swan dived into reality, falling through layers of light and into time. It was an odd sensation, the sudden pull of Time working on her assumed flesh, like a tide being dragged by the silver moon. She took a breath, then another, feeling the compression of muscles, the flow of blood.

She was in a garden. Swan found gardens restful and preferred to enter this plane through them, Bees buzzed, flowers nodded on their stems and the orderly arrangement of harmonious species soothed her transition.

"Well hello, young lady!" the elderly man smiled benignly at her and Swan nodded at him, erasing the memory of her visit from his mind, as she strode briskly from the rose bushes, headed out to face her next task.

* * *

"Hello?" the old man asked and the slender, dark woman burned him to the ground with a thought and then smiled thinly as the flowers caught fire.

Wrack stared after Swan and thought for a long while, pondering, while the flames leapt up about her. Finally, she followed Swan's trail, her face icy cold and her eyes like diamonds, glittering and hard.

* * *

Susan bent over the readouts again, glad to be back doing the genetic engineering work. It was funny, she'd started doing this from necessity, not happy about the prospect of cloning her entire race back into existence again, all by herself. As time passed though and she got help with it, she was finding that the quiet, complex tasks were soothing to her now.

When her nerves were stressed from one emergency after another, when she was frustrated with her husbands, or simply fed up with the politics of rebuilding a planet, she could retreat to her lab and start matching alleles. It was peaceful.

Diana peeked her head in the door.

"Hey, Susan?"

Susan looked up and smiled. It never failed, she thought to herself, still, at least it was Jake and Diana, whom she liked.

"Hey Diana, hello Jake," she called back and gestured them into her lab.

"Are you busy? We can wait."

"Not at all, just tracking down some problems, nothing serious," she waved her work off and turned her chair around. "What's up?"

"I wanted to find out if I still have a healing factor, and I wanted to find out if Jake is all right, and I wanted to ask you if regeneration fixes fried neural pathways?"

"Those are three very interesting questions," Susan replied, looking rather taken aback, but pulling out her medical scanner. "Regeneration can fix neurological damage, if the damage is mild, but sometimes it simply builds around the problem areas, if the damage was severe."

Diana looked thoughtful.

"Did you let the Koscheis live? Would they know that? Or are they still unconscious?"

She laughed, throwing her head back in joyful amusement.

"I let them live," she choked out finally, still giggling.

"Very generous of you."

"Thank you," she replied, and smiled broadly at Diana. "You have a gift for making me laugh, you know. I value it highly. So few people can just speak in a direct manner. I do like that about you."

Diana looked very surprised.

"Well, I… um… thank you. It's not a very popular gift at the moment, so thank you for saying that, it makes me feel better.'

"I can imagine," Susan sighed. "The Time Lords have made obfuscation into an art form. I have yet to meet one who can say what he means." She rolled her eyes. "My husbands included, by the way. Love them, but they were raised on Gallifrey and it rotted their brains."

"Yes, they're next up on the Magical Mystery Tour. But, in the meantime, I was worried about Jake."

"Okay, let me see what's up," she agreed and waved her scanner at him. She looked at the readings, frowned, and then scanned him again. "This can't be right."

Diana looked alarmed and scooted a bit closer to Jake.

What?" Jake asked.

"Well, you're perfectly healthy... I mean perfectly, and your structure has been altered to more closely resemble ... Diana's... minus the girl bits, of course," she told him, looking a bit dazed. "You've been re-engineered!"

Diana frowned, as Susan turned to scan her as well.

"Yes, I thought as much," she sighed. "What will the effects be?"

"Well, Jake, your life span has been significantly increased," Susan told him. "You have a healing factor comparable to Diana's and ... Diana... your slug has been... well, shifted and shrunk a bit. It looks like it's still changing, though it's a slow process. I suspect, if it continues on like this, that eventually, it will shift farther down and there is ... well, you have a budding womb as well."

"Um… oh," Diana didn't look as enthusiastic about this. "But… wait, I won't outlive Jake?"

"No, you two have, well, the same ageing process now. You'll live the same length of time, approximately. Did Aislynn do this?" she asked suddenly. "I had discussed it with her, you know. The fact that you were worried that you might outlive Jake."

"Wouldn't it have been Taydin, though? Would Aislynn have been able to try to balance the ghosty-things out?"

"Excuse me? I 'm afraid that I don't actually know what happened exactly. I was a bit busy yelling at my husbands to get the whole story."

* * *

Diana and Jake proceeded to explain the events as best they could, while Susan asked questions. She frowned when they were done.

"All right, I think I understand," Susan finally murmured. "At the end there, after Rassilon was gone, then yes, they might have been able to work together to rebalance reality and stabilize things, but, I guess they had some extra energy or something. I don't know much about that sort of thing, really. I'm a bit of a dunce when it comes to maths," she told them with a shrug.

"That's why we passed out," Diana was looking at Jake carefully, trying to gauge how he felt about all of this.

"I'd guess so," Susan told her. "However, I missed all of that bit." She shrugged.

Jake was looking a bit shell-shocked, his eyes rather glazed, as he tried to understand what was being said.

"I'm... immortal?" he asked.

"Well, not immortal exactly, just really long-lived, like Time Lord lifespan, long-lived," Susan explained. "Without the regeneration thing and you can be killed, but it would take a lot to do it."

Diana came to Jake and just held him close.

"Everything is going to be okay," she told him.

"I ... I need to think about this," he told her, holding onto her as well, his forehead pressed into her shoulder.

"Come on," she soothed. "We'll rest up for a bit."

"That sounds good, but wait! You said you wanted to see Jenny!" he protested. "We should go do that."

"Grandfather and Rose are still in there, maybe you should wait in the waiting room?" Susan suggested.

"I do want to see Jenny, but if the Doctor and Rose are still there… let's talk to the Koscheis quick and then we will head over."

"Sounds good, Angel," he agreed and rose to leave, still holding her hand tightly. He paused and looked at Susan. "Thank you."

"Any time," she replied.

"Oh! Yes, thank you. I'm sorry, I should have remembered that myself. I got distracted."

"Perfectly understandable," Susan assured her with a dimpled smile. "You've had some rather distracting news."

Diana just nodded and wondered at Jake's pale face and continued look of shock. Wasn't he happy about this? She figured that was going to be a conversation for another time.

It did make her wonder though.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Walking on Broken Glass

Guinn looked up as the TARDIS door opened. He was sitting on the floor of the console room, feeling rather sorry for himself, but he scrambled to his feet, trying to look like he was just working on the ship.

Without tools.

Diana frowned at him.

"You're not fooling anyone, you know," she said, her eyebrow raised.

"I wasn't ... Hi," he muttered and essayed a small smile at her.

"Hi." She tilted her head, studying him. "You okay?"

"My wife is... upset with me," he reminded her. "I wait a hundred years, miserable and lonely, and I manage to mess up in a major way in mere weeks." He looked at them with an anguished expression. "I'd really like to get something right. Just once."

"Hey," Diana came over to him. "She still loves you."

"Which changes nothing. It just means that I managed to lose her trust and hurt the woman that loves me. It is still a matter of me being bugger all at this," he explained. "How do you manage it?" He looked between them. "I rarely see you two fight, or argue, you seem to do this so effortlessly. It makes me feel so stupid that I can't get this right!"

Diana and Jake looked at each other.

"I defer to you, Angel," he said with an easy grin,settling into one of the emerald green wing chairs and grabbing a cup of tea as it appeared beside him on the little tea table.

Diana sat down too.

"You discovered the Manifold," she began thoughtfully, "So you had a bit of a taste of what living in the Loops is like… well, was like."

"I am intimately familiar with the Loops, Diana, since I chose most of them for your training," Guinn admitted, looking abashed and uncomfortable.

Diana pursed her lips. In her opinion, Guinn hadn't really known a bloody thing about the Loops until the wasp had pinned him to the wall by his shoulder; then, and only then, had he become familiar with what it was like to live there. She might have said as much, earlier, but after two years of diplomatic tutoring, courtesy of Jake, she decided not to voice the thought.

"Well, then… you can imagine what it was like to come to Gallifrey. A big orange sky with sunshine and fluffy clouds, and a house with running water and electricity, all the food I could eat… and Jake," she smiled at Jake warmly.

"I can most certainly imagine," Koschei agreed, coming into the room with a spanner in one hand and a thoughtful expression. "I was stuck alone for two years, before Susan and the Doctor showed up." He looked rather grim as he said it, giving Diana an understanding nod, which she returned.

"So, I was here for maybe a month, and then we found out about you, found out about the Lens, figured out that you had the capability to blow up the planet as long as I was on it. The Doctor came and told me one night, and he and I went to my house and locked it up, and I left it all. Left everything. Left Jake, and went back to the Loops."

"Yes, I imagine it was terrible, but what does this have to do with relationships?" Guinn asked, looking rather nonplussed.

"I'm getting to that. When I went back, I figured… that was it, you know? It was just over. I would live in the Loops, and Jake would find some other girl and grow old with her, and that would be that." Her hand crept towards his. "Then he came and found me, joined the Revolution, helped find the other Mashas, and stuck with me through thick and thin. You know the only thing that he ever asked in return? He wanted me to always be honest with him, no matter what. So I was, and we built our relationship from that basis. We tell the truth to each other. We don't hide things from each other." She smiled at Guinn. "You'll get it right! Give yourself time! You only just got back, and I mean from the Centre, not even from Rassilon."

"I just feel like I missed some vital course at the Academy or something. I can create a trans-warp spatial engine in my sleep, but trying to make Susan happy? I fail every time," he groaned.

"Well… how do you try to make her happy? I mean, what do you do? Flowers? Candy? Artron spinners?"

"Uh... I try to get her tea a lot..." he murmured and then flushed a bit. "Flowers? Is that something I should be thinking about?" He shook his head. "I used to be better at this."

"What does Susan like? Does she like flowers?"

"Not like Aislynn does, no, but her favourites are purple roses," Koschei said. "Angelface and Sterling Silver roses to be precise."

Oh?" Guinn replied, looking startled.

"It's tough though, her first husband, David, used to bring her roses, so it's a bit tricky for me. I try to find her really exotic ones. He brought her red roses. Every day, he'd hunt through the wreckage and when he found a rose, he'd bring it to her."

"That's a good start. Bring her something nice and then tell her the truth about how you feel." Diana paused thoughtfully. "That's how we did it," she said, and sounded surprised. "We don't lie to each other. We tell the truth. And we don't hide things. Or, we try not to ."

"No point anyway," Jake agreed. "People always find out eventually, so you might as well just tell them up front."

"An excellent philosophy," Guinn sighed.

"You two are quite right," Koschei agreed and sat down as well. "Omega, but I'm a dunce sometimes."

"About the whole kidnapping thing? Well, that was pretty dumb, but in all fairness I expect it was pretty scary too. Just… admit you mucked it up, tell her you are sorry. Tell her the truth. That's all you can do."

"We did, but she's got a bit of a temper. It will be a while before she is ready to forgive us."

"I also think she didn't much like me," the other Susan mumbled, looking abashed as she popped into existence.

"Oh, hi, Secret Susan. Yeah, I saw that. Adie had almost the same reaction," Diana rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

"Hi Diana. Why is that though? What's wrong with me?" she asked and looked at them all with a perplexed expression.

"Nothing is wrong with you," Guinn assured her and she stepped into his arms, holding him and looking up at him adoringly.

Diana frowned.

"Everyone had kind of a hard time, I think everybody was on edge," she said, "So you weren't exactly seeing people at their best, either."

"Oh," she replied and nodded, then cocked her head at Diana. "You'd tell me if there was more to it, right?"

"Well, first that would require me figuring out if there was more to it," She replied. "Presumably there are undercurrents going on, but I haven't fully got a handle on what they are."

"It's because you are her, but before she went through hell," Koschei sighed out. "She's suffered a lot, gone through so much and she's changed. She looks at you and sees just how damaged she is, because there you are, without the damage, showing her every little break in excruciating detail."

Susan stared at him, green eyes wide as she listened.

"She must hate me," she murmured and Koschei shook his head.

"Susan doesn't really hate anyone, but Rassilon, her mother, and probably her Great Uncle," he told her and she made a face.

"Mother and Uncle Brax are awful, I'm with her on that!"

Diana looked thoughtful.

"Brax is Adie's father. She tried to save you and failed. I'm not sure what happened after that, but I gather it was pretty bad. That probably explains her reaction too."

"Well, I died, so it must have been unpleasant," Susan agreed. She looked subdued and the resemblance to the other Susan was stronger in that moment. "I can understand that."

"So, I think you are okay. I think people just weren't expecting you and were sort of shocked."

"I'm sure you didn't come here to council us though," Koschei chuckled. "What's up?"

"I didn't, but I was at least passingly interested in whether or not you guys were okay after Rassilon." She looked at them both. "You sound pretty rocky… I can go if this is a bad time."

"No, please don't," Guinn replied, looking up at her beseechingly. "I have had almost no time to get to know you. We've spent so much of our time running about that I have hardly spoken to you, really."

Diana looked taken aback.

"You know, I… I hadn't even thought of that. I suppose that is true." She paused a minute, thoughtfully, and then plunged in. "I was coming to ask about Lady A. I wanted to know if her brain was fried now that the Nanites are gone, but she regenerated. I also want to know about Tomoko, what her long term prospects are. I talked to her and she's… shaky. She's real shaky and it scares me and I hate being scared."

"Uh... okay... I'll try to take those one at a time," Guinn replied, feeling a bit dazed by the barrage of questions. "Lady Aislynn's brain should be healing the damage done to it in time. What often happens in these cases is that if the old pathways are compromised, new ones will be created. The brain is a surprisingly flexible instrument, you see. Regeneration will actually speed the process, rather than hamper it. She has actually restructured her brain, her body, everything, so the damage ought to be minimal now." He took a breath and looked at Koschei, who grinned.

"Tomoko has Dar in her head, which would make anyone shaky," he snorted. "Seriously though, she had her entire mind rewritten by Rassilon. She's going to take a while to heal from that. I've been working at it for the better part of a decade and I'm still not there."

Diana thought this over for a while.

"Can I do anything to help her?"

"Keep her from wallowing in guilt," Secret Susan replied with a serious look. "Guinn is so consumed by guilt he can't think straight half the time." Guinn flushed at her words and dropped his eyes.

"Hey!" Diana punched him in the arm, in a gentle, friendly sort of way. "New life, remember?"

"Yet, I look at you, at the other Mashas, and all I can think of is how much you've all suffered and how I authored that misery," he told her, looking bleakly miserable.

"I know," Diana said. "But, we're just like Susan in that regard, I think. Give us time. I think we'll get over it…. eventually. Sometimes, I'm still mad at you, and other times, I'm not and I think that's progress. I started out being all mad, all the time."

"I remember," Koschei told her with a small smile.

"So, see, we made progress," Jake teased. "My Angel only wants to kill you on alternate Tuesdays, between two and four, rather than all the time."

"You nut!" Diana punched Jake on the arm playfully. "My other question is: assuming that she's not giving it up entirely, can Lady A still do the singing thing?"

"That's a very different question," Koschei sighed. "It has been known, though it is rather rare, that a regeneration causes a Singer to lose their ability to Sing. It usually comes back in the next regeneration after that, but ... not always."

"Still, there is no reason to think that she can't," Guinn pointed out. "She is a very strong Singer."

"Well, that's encouraging," Diana said thoughtfully. "I know she's wanted to give it up for a while now, well sort of, she seems really torn up about it. I have thought that she might come back to it and love it again, if she had some time to rest up for a bit. But I didn't like the thought that she might rest up, try to pick it up again, and then find out she couldn't."

"I would be... grieved... if she did not Sing again," Guinn admitted. "Her voice is lovely and I have always enjoyed listening to it. Even when things were.. very bad for me, it was pleasant to hear her." He said the words softly, embarrassed to admit how much comfort he'd used to take in the songs and Koschei shot him a look of sympathy that he quickly hid.

"I'll tell her that, later on, I mean, once she tackles Singing again. I think she would like the idea that her Songs helped people."

He nodded, but didn't trust himself to speak again, casting about in his mind for something else to talk about.

"So, where those all your questions?" he asked.

"Yep, that was it, and I sense it is time to get out of your hair," Diana slid off her stool easily. "By the way, Aislynn has these blue roses. I can cut some for you, if you want, for Susan."

"I think you ought to," Secret Susan replied, looking at Guinn rather sadly. "She needs a great deal more than she's been getting." With that, she vanished and Guinn felt like something was happening that he didn't understand.

"Well, all you are getting from me is roses," Diana teased. "You'll have to do the rest yourself," she winked. "Back in a minute..."

* * *

Adie and Gaige were sitting in the waiting room when Jake and Diana finally arrived. It was a green painted room with murals of intertwining trees and flowers. There were delicately carved benches along one wall and a viewing screen set into another wall. Toys were scattered on the floor for children to play with and a huge picture window looked out at the bustle of the Panopticon Plaza.

A coffee bar and food replicator were inset into the wall and it was a pleasant and homey place to relax and wait for medical care.

"Hello," Adie smiled at them.

"Hi," Diana said. "I didn't want to leave without seeing Jenny and the others."

"Neither did I, to tell the truth."

"I've never done this before," she said, "Should we wait for them?"

"Why don't I take a quick peek," suggested Adie and opened the door the tiniest crack.

Rose, the Doctor, and the children, were sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around each other, crying.

Adie hesitated for the briefest of instants. She wished she could have been there with them, she was technically family, after all, but she had arrived so recently that she felt like she would be intruding on a very private moment. She sadly closed the door again, trying to ease it, without allowing it to make the slightest bit of noise.

"Better give it a few minutes," she told them.

"That's about what I figured," Diana said, and sat down on one of the nearby chairs. "So… you're Gaige, huh? Anyone tell you about the family?"

Adie put her face in her hands.

"Oh, don't do this to him the very first day!"

"You're right, we should just let it be a surprise," Diana snarked.

"Seventy-four cloned sisters, none of whom have a shred of social shame," Jake teased. "Get used to inappropriate comments and suggestions."

"What?" Diana gave him a wounded look. "I've never given you an inappropriate suggestion!"

Adie giggled at the look on Jake's face.

"They mostly live on Karn," she told Gaige. "But Diana, Zoi, and Tomoko live here. Tomoko has been living in Susan's TARDIS, although I suppose that will have to change now that Dar is involved."

"So, seventy-one of your cloned sisters live on Karn, while three of them live here?" he asked, waving at Diana. "You're her sister then?"

"I'm her clone, but I think it technically works out to sisters, yes."

"By Gallifreyan law, you're sisters," he confirmed and smiled at her. "So, sister-in-law, after we visit the patients, where is there a good place to get beer? I haven't had any in nearly a hundred years."

"There's some pubs," Diana beamed. "Shall we take you on a tour? Get you drunk and whoop you at darts?" She grinned at him.

"Ha! We'll see who whoops whom!" he retorted with an answering grin.

"You will lead until the exact moment Adie bats her eyelashes," Di grinned back at him. "Fortunately for me, I am immune to the charm of Jake's eyelashes."

"We'll see," he warned and Jake chuckled.

"I don't bat mine as well as Adie does," he explained.

"I have never batted my eyelashes!" Adie protested.

"Yes you have," Di snarked back at her. "You just can't see your own eyelashes, so you don't know you are doing it."

"Do you think they'll be all right?" Jake asked, waving at the door to the hospital rooms.

"Jenny's tough. She'll be fine. Jamie's awfully little. The other kids… well I expect this is old hat to them," she looked sort of sad.

"I don't think that having people die on you ever gets to be 'old hat', especially for children," Jake sighed. "Davian's death is going to really hit them hard."

"I suppose my perspective is off on that," she mused sadly. "Poor Davian."

"He was such a good kid... man... person," Jake told her and shook his head. "It's just not fair. I mean, he survived the Time War and then gets killed by a bomb."

"I suppose it would be like one of us dying now," she mused thoughtfully. Adie just twisted her hands, looking extremely unhappy.

"I understand soldiers dying," Jake said. "I don't like it, but I get that. It's when kids die that it really bothers me. Kids should be out playing, having fun, not fearing for their lives."

"I know, but we're almost there or at least… I hope that we are… maybe not," Adie mumbled.

"Almost where?" Jake asked. "We still have those terrorists back on Earth to deal with, as well as whatever other leftovers from that war show up. What are we supposed to do about the returned worlds, for instance?"

"I would like to check on Azari Bal, make sure that they are all right," Gaige agreed. "I'm worried about them."

"We'll check on them, of course we will," Adie soothed. "But we're also going to have to pick our battles. We have limited numbers. We'll do what we have always done… we will do what we can, with what we have."

"Limited numbers... Time Lords... that's a new thought for me," Gaige admitted. "I would like to look around here. See this Gallifrey."

"Right," Diana said. "That was that whole, 'beat you at darts' conversation we just had."

"Well, once you have visited the children, let's go exploring, shall we?" Gaige suggested.

"Sounds good to me," Jake agreed and then they all fell silent, waiting for a sign that they could go in to see the kids.

* * *

The Doctor cradled Jenny against him and watched the other children, as they huddled together, crying and clinging to each other, and tried not to feel as though he'd failed them catastrophically. All he'd wanted was to protect them and instead, he'd sent them into danger.

Justin had come in a little while back and, while it had been a bit awkward, the children had pulled him into their group and held him too. Myrdin hadn't looked thrilled about it, but one look from Freeya had silenced him.

"Can we go home now?" Jenny asked and Rose nodded. The orphans all winced at that and the Doctor forced himself to smile at them all.

"Let's all go home," he told them, knowing that they didn't feel at home anywhere just then. Getting them adopted moved up his priority list at that moment. These children had been through so much and what they really needed now was families and stability.

He decided to give that to them.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - Laying Plans

Swan was likely to go off and be sickeningly nice somewhere and Wrack pondered her next move. She wanted Chaos to win, she wanted this universe to collapse and something new and possibly more interesting to take its place. She wanted to be able to finally die and stop being bored all the time. For that to happen, the White Guardian needed to lose the Game. How best to accomplish that was always difficult for her.

In the past, her best advice had come from one place, so she headed there quickly, changing her form and clothes as she went, her memory conjuring the right outfit for a trip to hospital.

After all, when you wanted to know how to create chaos, the insane were the ones with all the best ideas.

* * *

"Susan?" Guinn called, coming into her lab. He was carrying the bouquet of blue roses rather awkwardly. She looked up from where she was bent over a gene splicer and nodded, her face unreadable.

"Yes, love?" she replied and he stood there for a long while, just looking at her and feeling utterly out of his depth.

"Are we okay?" he asked finally and she swivelled in her chair and turned her full attention on him, compassion in her gaze.

"Yeah," she said softly and he slumped against the door, muscles going slack as the release of tension left him boneless.

"I.. uh... brought you flowers," he told her and sighed. He remembered being so much better at this. He used to have no trouble getting women.

"They weren't important," she replied to his thoughts and he nodded. She was right.

She got up and went to him, wrapping her arms around him, and holding him tightly. He clung to her, breathing in her scent and trying to let his terror fade.

"I never want to lose you, Susan, not again, I just can't do that again," he told her and she drew back a bit to look at him.

"Then don't lie to me ever again," she replied and he jerked guiltily. "I love you, but I won't be wrapped in cotton wool and 'protected' for 'my own good', do you understand?"

"Yes, absolutely!" he assured her. "I'm sorry, I really, really am. I just... I was wrong, but I guess I wanted to keep you from worrying."

"Think of it from my perspective, if I'd been the one kidnapped, wouldn't you want to know?"

"If you'd been kidnapped, I'd have ripped the universe apart to find you, I'd have killed everyone between us, burned anyone who'd dared to harm you and their entire world down to the ground," he admitted, feeling a savage anger at the thought, and she kissed him softly and shook her head.

"No, you wouldn't," she corrected him. "You're not that person anymore." Her words stilled him and he nodded slowly, thinking it through.

"No, I'm not, but that's because of you, without you? I don't know who I'd be," he admitted.

"I do. I've seen the very centre of you and you're a good person," she assured him and he held her tightly.

"No, I'm the person with no self-control around you," he grumbled "I'm the person who told himself that he was going to leave you to Koschei, that I was going to keep my distance from you, and couldn't manage it for five minutes in your presence!"

"I love you for being that person," she retorted and kissed him again. "I love that you can't stop making love to me, any more than I can resist you. I love you for being brilliant, and snarky, and danger prone, and I love the way you hold me, and touch me, and look at me like I'm something precious. I like that you're different than Koschei, even though the two of you are too damned alike at times," she laughed. "I wouldn't change a thing about either one of you, except that I would like it if you'd stop wallowing in guilt." She chuckled and shook her head. "But, even there, my hearts, it's who you are and I love you."

He was devastated by her confession and left with no words, so he just held her tight. She pulled his head down for another kiss, standing on tiptoes to press her lips against him.

"Damn it! You're too tall!" she complained. "How am I supposed to ravish you, when I have to mountain climb?"

Here, let me show you," he said, and quite literally swept her off of her feet.

* * *

"We need a holiday!" the Doctor announced as he came into the waiting room. His face was still a bit puffy from crying, but none of them commented on it.

Gaige jumped to his feet and bowed to the Doctor, who made a face.

"My Lord Doctor," he murmured and the Doctor's face became even more sour.

"Don't you dare start!" he snapped. "You're part of the family now, so no kowtowing or any of that nonsense!" Jake chuckled at Gaige's puzzled look.

A ghost of a smile caught Adie's face and she bowed deeply.

"My Lord Doctor," she teased gently.

"No! No! No!" he growled and pointed dramatically at the ceiling. "Holiday!" He glared at her. "Besides, you're Head of Family now, anyway! You're the oldest surviving child of the eldest child in the family! You're the one stuck with the job now and I am thrilled by that!" he crowed.

Adie did a double-take.

"Wait, what?"

"You heard me! You're Brax's only surviving child, that makes you Head of Family!" he told her with a joyful grin and also gloating a bit. "I'm free!"

Adie just stared at him with round eyes.

"I - I - I - I…" she gulped. "N-n-not necessarily, I might appoint you to something," she stammered, looking quite petrified by the unexpected turn that events had just taken.

"Can't do it! Your job, not mine!" he chortled. "I am already busy with other things anyway, so you can't put that on me! I have to build so much," he sighed and the glee faded. "Too much to do, really. I am so glad that the Family stuff is all yours now, takes a huge load off of my plate."

Adie nodded jerkily. looking stunned.

"Yes, of course you do," she murmured, looking overwhelmed by the prospect.

"So, what shall you do as your first act as Head of Family?" he asked.

"I thought I might visit Jenny," Adie told him, but her voice had an uncertain tone to it now.

"Excellent choice," he replied with a nod and patted her shoulder in sympathy, even though his eyes were twinkling a bit.

"Same," added Diana and Jake nodded his agreement.

"Once you've all visited the children, then we are off on Holiday!" the Doctor decided. "I mean we need to pack and all that. Can't go without clothing, well, we could at some of the resorts, but if we're taking Jackie, then I really want a lot of clothing!"

"Who shall we invite? We can't take everyone, they'd think it is an invasion... anyway, most of the Mashas are working on Karn at the moment," Adie pointed out, still twisting her hands nervously.

"I am sending out a generalized invitation to them right now," the Doctor told her. "I was actually planning on inviting everyone that wants to come, really. We've all been through a lot, so yeah. I am booking a resort for us."

"The whole resort?" Gaige asked.

"Well, I think it would be best, don't you?" he replied with an impish grin. "I mean, we're not exactly low impact and the general public really ought to be protected."

Adie rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"I don't know how many takers you will get," she said. "You do realize that most of them have never in their lives had a day off. Aside from the party at Diana's house, they have never really had any fun at all 're not going to know what to do with it. A lot of the girls aren't even going to get what you are talking about."

He nodded cheerfully.

"That's why I sent pictures, and am inviting the Torchwood and UNIT soldiers as well," he responded. "The soldiers and agents can help the girls to relax and have fun!" he enthused.

"Doctor, you are an inveterate matchmaker," Gaige chided him with a shake of his head. "I'm quite sure that there was no matron on Gallifrey more meddlesome or more importunate than you!"

"Probably not, but I also have a better track record on matchmaking than even my Great Great Aunt Betheseme, who matched over a thousand couples, but with only about a ninety percent success rate, so it's quite all right," he assured Gaige with an earnest look.

Adie tried to crack a smile, but her overwhelmed look had been replaced by a solemn expression.

"How can I help, Doctor?"

"Well, we'll need to get everyone there. I thought that if you took the Mashas and the soldiers with you, I will bring the Gallifrey contingent and the Torchwood Agents," he suggested.

"I'll do a bit of rearranging on the interior, then begin picking people up. Come on," Adie took Gaige's hand and smiled for him. "Want to help me rearrange the interior, after we've seen the kids?"

Rose came out of the clinic interior and held the door, so that Jake and Diana could go in to see the children and then closed it behind them. She stepped up beside the Doctor and leaned against him, her head on his shoulder, while he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"That sounds like fun," Gaige replied and they went in as well, leaving the Doctor and Rose to hold onto each other, their thoughts on their children and how narrow an escape they had had.

"So, which of us is going to check on Aislynn and Taydin?" Rose asked and the Doctor sighed.

"I will do the deed. You keep an eye on the Koscheis, they both looked a bit shaky," he suggested and Rose chuckled.

"Coward," she teased and he shrugged.

"You're better with them than I am, at least for the emotionally fraught stuff," he explained and she shook her head.

"Coward," she repeated, as she gave him one last hug and wandered off.

* * *

Aislynn was seated on the edge of the hospital bed, kicking her feet and thinking at a furious pace. Her mind seemed far clearer than it had been. She felt as though she'd been sleepwalking through her life and suddenly awakened. She was humming with an energy and an enthusiasm that she hadn't felt in ages.

The Doctor popped through the door to the exam room and looked her up and down, studying her critically and then breaking into a smile.

"Hullo, Aislynn, you look lovely! I do like the new face!" the Doctor chirped and she turned and regarded him.

"Oh, I haven't seen it yet," she said. Her voice was lower, she noticed, but her words were coming out much faster. She felt her face with curious fingers. "It's sharp, I suppose, sharp chin, sharp nose… sharp ears? No, round ears. Hair…" she pulled a strand over and looked at it, straining her eyes. Her new hair was longer than it had been, after her illness, but it was still short enough to be difficult to see. "Auburn. Bother! Still, it doesn't seem to be as bright, so at least I don't look like a carrot, hooray for our side, I suppose." Her words came out at a staccato pace.

"Yes indeed. Now, don't complain, because I have wanted to be ginger for just ages and you have managed it twice in a row!" he pointed out.

"It's perfectly simple to be ginger!" she countered. "I could set you up with any number of beauticians, who would be more than happy to accommodate you," she retorted with a toss of her head.

"You know full well that if it's not natural, it's cheating!" he pointed out with a grin. "I want to do it the old-fashioned way and regenerate into it!"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Since when do you care about cheating?" She teased him, her eyes beaming brightly at him.

"The game's no fun if you cheat!" he pointed out. "It's just that my rules aren't everyone else's rules. That's not cheating, that's playing my own game, while everyone else plods about the place." He gave her a piercing look. "I do like the new you, rather. There's a bit more pep."

"I expect we'll find out, I might not keep it, I'm told it's very unstable," she looked almost mischievous when she said this. "Mind you, I am hardly anxious to waste a perfectly good regeneration, so I've consented to wait and see if it settles."

"I think it will be fine, Aislynn. Just because you might seem a bit unstable to others, doesn't mean you are to yourself, you know. Sometimes it's the most stable seeming people who are the most unstable underneath it all," he told her, his manner gone from silly to deadly serious in a moment.

"Yes, it's interesting isn't it? I don't feel particularly unstable." She leaned against the examination table. "And I've got a great deal to do, things I have been putting off…. forever, my entire life, really. No more! I am tired of regretting things! I'm done with that."

"Second chances are rather refreshing, aren't they?" he enquired, a smile playing about his lips.

"Very much so. I'm retired, as of this instant, I intend never to Sing another… well, no wait, there's the Schism, that's got to be re-created, we'll also need to deal with the Eye… bah! Almost retired then. The Schism, then the Eye, and that's it!"

"Then there is healing Taydin up, can't leave him all half done, can you?" the Doctor suggested innocently.

"Of course not! We're doing that by definition."

"Also, I do have a small problem as well. One of the War Orphans looks like she might end up as a Singer as well. Someone has to teach her to control that gift," he looked mournful. "You and Taydin are the only ones left to do it. Of course, if you feel that you can't, I will totally understand. I am sure we can figure something out," he said with a thoughtful air.

The Doctor's words hit Aislynn like a ton of bricks.

Aislynn wasn't used to feeling things with any particular depth. She was so accustomed to the muzzy-headed, soft, cottony feeling of the Nanites that she had completely forgotten what it was to have neural pathways that fired properly.

It was the thought of a new Singer that undid her. For the first time in nearly two centuries she remembered herself as a new Singer, and all of her hopes and dreams and love of the Song; closely crowded by everything that had happened afterwards. Memories pushed in on her as softly and inevitably as snowflakes: the day she had been abandoned on the battlefield, to Sing until she fell, of the Daleks and Infection, of the long gruelling years of the War and the Underground rail-road, as the Song of the Time Lords faded out of her ears, of the soft, lonely horror of Gracepoint; of the cruelty of the Master and Rassilon, and a thousand other things.

Her mind had been filled with ideas of exploring; of going out into the universe and seeing what was there, for the sheer joy of it, because for the first time her ship was repaired, and she was repaired, and it was actually possible. The thought had made her hearts sing.

Now there was a new duty, and her hearts sunk through the floor. This one was just as noble as all of the other duties to which she had devoted herself. After the girl was trained, there would be some other duty, and another after that, and another after that, an endless line of things that needed to be done. Rassilon, it seemed, had been right all along.

For the first time in her life, Aislynn wondered if Singing was really worth it. That thought had never before crossed her mind. Its existence frightened her; but she couldn't seem to banish it, and that was even more frightening.

Even as the angry, resentful thoughts filled her mind, she saw the selfishness in them. It was hardly the girl's fault that she was lucky (unlucky?) enough to be Gifted. With the conclusion of the Time War, she and Taydin were the only two Singers left. To whom was the Doctor supposed to turn for training? She found the idea of sending the girl to Logopolis repellent. Taydin, furthermore, had done so much that it wouldn't be fair to ask him for more.

She was deeply conflicted. It was too much, too soon; but she had been born to privilege, and with that came specific obligations. There was no room for weakness, and yet she felt so off-centre at that instant that she doubted she could have formulated a decent Song if Rassilon himself had demanded it. The most solid and well-crafted Songs were sung when the Singer was at peace with herself.

She was alarmed and ashamed by the very intensity of the unexpected, tangled emotions that welled up in her so suddenly. Others had suffered so much more than she. She couldn't tell the Doctor "no." Yet she couldn't, in good conscience, tell him "yes." What was wrong with her?

"It never ends, does it?" she mused softly, trying to buy herself time.

He gave her a sharp look and then his face softened into compassion.

"No, I'm afraid not," he admitted. "The thing is, Aislynn, you can find joy in anything. You can enjoy doing the things that you feel you ought to and you can turn it all into something fun and exciting. You want to travel? Take her with you! Show her the universe! It doesn't have to be just slogging through duty. In fact, if you feel that duty is all this is, then I will find another way to train her, because I don't want you making her feel like this is an unpleasant obligation you are discharging. I want you to have fun. I want you to spread your wings and unfurl into the universe, so don't think that I will pile things onto you without thought. If you can't teach her with joy, then I won't let you have her." He was fierce at the end, looking at her with hawk-like intensity.

"Find joy?" Aislynn mused thoughtfully. "When I trained as a Singer, it was the be-all and end-all of my existence. I never made a friend in Academy, never played a prank, never went out for a laugh. I won't train a new Singer that way. There is more to life than musical and mathematical notation."

"Then change the training, Aislynn! You and Taydin are the last ones left, you can bloody well do whatever you want! Who can tell you that you're wrong, eh?" he pointed out with an exasperated tone.

"No one, and I rather like that." The smile was back on her face, as she thought about it. "Done, we're in agreement. We revamp the training for Singers, back to front, top to bottom. There's a better way to do this than we have been doing."

"While you're at it, make it fun, Aislynn. People learn best if they are enjoying themselves," he told her with a smile.

"Again, agreed," she said, and then paused. "Although I… I've never tried to do fun before, perhaps I… do you think I could do that? Be a fun person? Oh, I would like that!"

"Why not? This is your second chance, isn't it? You can do what you want with it!" he replied with a laugh.

"I like that. Yes, please draw up the adoption papers. I'll spend time with the girl on Apalapucia, get to know her… well, I wanted to take Taydin there also, he so desperately needs to rest… but then again I do have a TARDIS, if needed…. yes, we'll go to Apalapucia. I think it will be good for everyone involved. It's certainly a good place to practice fun!"

"I rather thought so," he told her, leaning forward and grinning at her. "That's why I suggested it!"

"Doctor, before you go," Aislynn ventured, "I have a question for you."

"What would you like to ask?"

"When I was being compelled by Rassilon, to Sing for him… why didn't you have me killed?"

"How was I supposed to do that?" he countered. "A Singer in full melody is nearly invulnerable. Not to mention that Koschei assured me that he had a cure for you, so it would have been silly to kill you, when we could cure you."

She thought this over.

"Very well Doctor."

"Besides all that though, I don't kill people. I just don't," he told her. "I can't. Can you understand that?"

"I do," she said, thinking about the fact that this man had been forced to kill nearly his entire race, to slaughter billions in a single moment. It was painful suddenly, this new clarity of mind. She could feel again and mostly what she was feeling was grief for everything that they had lost and everything that they could never get back. Yet, at the same time, there was this rising excitement in her. A whole new uncharted future lay ahead of her and it was strangely thrilling.

"I… yes, yes, I do understand." She smiled at him. "Thank you for having that much belief in me, wherever it came from."

"You've never given me any reason to doubt you, Aislynn," he told her. "We're all packing for Holiday now. Apalapucia! So, get on it," he informed her and then left the room just as abruptly as he has entered it.

"What was that all about?" Taydin asked groggily from the next bed over.

She put her hand on his shoulder.

"He had faith in me when I didn't have it in myself. I wanted to thank him for that. I am afraid I might have angered him."

"No, when he's angry his eyes get all hard. They were a bit glittery, so I think you made him get teary," he told her.

She smiled at him.

"How are you?"

"I feel like I was run over by a planet," he told her, sitting up and rubbing a hand over the chestnut hair that now hung down in his eyes. "That's new."

"You look like an Academy Professor," she smiled at him. "The one all the younger students have a crush on. If only you were wearing glasses, you'd be absolutely irresistible."

"Then I shall only wear them around you," he chuckled.

"But then I might never let you out in public," she teased, and sat next to him, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "Are you all right? You were so sick… I've been quite frightened for you."

"I'm fine. Terry is an amazing rebalancer. You know he missed out on being a Singer by only three points on the entrance exams? He would have been wasted as a Singer though, he's brilliant at regeneration therapy. Top of his energetic healing class every year and graduated with only one student ahead of him in his year for overall studies," he told her with a smile.

"I agree, he certainly would have been wasted as a Singer," Aislynn looked sad. "He's married now, has a family… he appears to be very happy. As he should be."

"Aislynn, I was married. Being a Singer doesn't preclude being happy. I was ...," he stopped, his eyes bleak with memory. "We were very happy, for a very long time." He rubbed at his chest, as though it hurt a bit.

"I know," she said simply, and placed her hand on his. "The Doctor says that one of the War Orphans is showing signs of the Gift," she said, casting around for a change of topic. "I've requested that he arrange adoption papers."

"Have you asked her what she thinks about that? She's not the most open of children. Bel's shy, diffident, and aloof. She might not want to be adopted by us," he told her. "I think we need to chat her up first, see how she would react to the idea."

Aislynn looked surprised.

"You've met her?"

"Her name is Belltamiasara. She practically lives in the Library," he replied. "I wasn't really able to speak to her, obviously. But, I was able to direct her towards some books for her studies. I don't think I was the best role model for a burgeoning Singer though, half wrecked by Songs and unable to even talk," he admitted.

"I very much doubt that there could possibly have been a better role model," she said and watched his ears turn pink at the fervency of her words. "But… perhaps a… well, I was speaking to the Doctor about revamping the training for Singers."

"I think that would be a very good idea. My... my wife always complained about it," he replied, hesitating over the words a bit.

"To what did she object?"

"All of it! The way we were all disciplined and drilled, until all the joy was drained out of it! Singing should be fun! It should be full of spirit and life! Dian used to rant at the Regents all the time about how restrictive and cold the curriculum was."

"Yes, I agree." Her hand rested on his. "Rassilon… among other things, he told me that I'd never in my life done anything fun."

"He was an arse. Doesn't mean he wasn't right, say once every million years or so," he grumbled.

"He was right. I wouldn't want that girl to lead the sort of life… well, that I've lead, not to put too fine a point on it. I have thought for many years now that Singing and leading a happy life are mutually exclusive. It shouldn't be that way. I'd like to revamp the training. Make it fun."

"Good. So, don't suppose you'd agree to marry me?" he asked.

Aislynn blinked hard. Twice. His words brought her thoughts to a screeching halt and they tumbled all over each other.

"I… I beg your pardon?" She couldn't have heard him correctly.

"Well, right about the time I realized that we were both likely going to die, it also occurred to me that I was desperately in love with you," he admitted, his ears turning an even darker pink as he spoke.

Another wave of emotion rose up and ambushed Aislynn without warning. She was having trouble fitting back into her own head, into the sudden clarity of emotion which she could now perceive. All she had ever wanted was someone to love her. She had been so very lonely for such a long time. There was a lump in her throat and she couldn't seem to swallow it. She could barely talk past it.

"I would… I would love to marry you! If you would have me." She was overwhelmed at the thought. Her eyes flooded with tears and she scrubbed at them hastily.

"You would?" he stared at her for a moment and then a smile spread across his face. He was grinning from ear to ear, then he grabbed her against him, and kissed her senseless.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - New Attitudes

Katie and Owen had been welcomed into the clinic's staff with open arms. The days that they had all spent, working to save the people of Logopolis, had served to bind them all together. Katie and Martha had become especially close, chatting about medical procedures, but also how hard it was on Earth, as a woman, to get on in their profession.

"The number of times that some arrogant little resident has snubbed me!" Katie grumbled and Professor Boma looked at her with wondering eyes.

"I cannot fathom why your males behave so. You are quite competent as a doctor and we have never found gender to be at all relevant, outside of childbearing, and even that means little anymore, what with gene replication and artificial wombs," he shrugged.

"Which is one of the reasons that I totally adore you!" Katie said with a grin and Martha grabbed the older Time Lord's face in her hands and bussed his cheek with a laugh. He chuckled and shook his head in amusement.

Just then, two strangers walked into the clinic and Owen turned to greet them.

"Are you here for an appointment?" he asked them with a genial smile. They seemed vaguely familiar to him for some reason. Professor Boma grinned at the newcomers.

"Scout Commander, you look well, settling in are we? What did young Terry say?" he asked, walking forward and greeting the tall, dark haired man with a smile. "Lady Aislynn, you look quite lovely, are you getting steady in your new form?"

Owen and Katie just stared.

* * *

"Still unstable," Aislynn almost cackled, but then frowned, seeing the looks on Owen's and Katie's face. "Ah… it occurs to me that I don't believe we have ever discussed regeneration."

"Um, it was in the databanks," Owen pointed out. "Just... hadn't quite..." he trailed off.

"You two died?" Katie exclaimed, looking very much upset. She ran and hugged them both. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's all right," Aislynn soothed her gently. "It couldn't be helped, and we are all right now."

"Now, now, I've done it five times, nothing to it, really," Boma assured them with a twinkle and a pat on their shoulders.

"This makes my third," said Aislynn with a frown. "In less than a thousand years. I do seem to be going through them."

"You need to slow down a bit, stop being quite such a reckless young thing!" Boma teased. "I recommend staying out of warzones for the next few centuries at least."

"I can think of many places I would much rather be instead," Aislynn said with a sly look at Taydin.

"Now Boma, you ruin all my fun. I was thinking of going on a 'Grand Tour of Warzones Throughout History' as my next holiday," Taydin replied with a smirk.

"I was promised Apalapucia!" Aislynn teased him back.

"Now wouldn't Agincourt, be much more fun?" he asked her and Owen and Katie both just stood there, mouths hanging open, flummoxed by the drastic changes in personality the two Time Lords had undergone.

"Well, it did say that realignment of epigenetic expression, coupled with new neural pathways, and a recreated chemical balance, often leads to a completely different outlook, post regeneration," Owen muttered, sounding stunned.

"Oh, it's even more complicated than that," Aislynn told him, speaking very fast. "It was a traumatic regeneration. following a probability wobble and a complete matrix realignment. Terry about cried when he saw us come into his offices. I think he's probably sleeping it off somewhere now."

"Oh my," Boma chuckled. "You don't do anything the easy way, do you my dear?"

"I haven't had an option of doing anything the easy way for over a century," Aislynn said. "Now that I have the choice, I intend to indulge."

"I think that we all feel much the same," Boma admitted.

"I don't know, I think we've all wallowed just a bit too long. Time to get out there and do things," Taydin disagreed. "I really have this urge to go see what there is in this universe. Do a proper survey!"

Aislynn clapped her hands and rubbed them together.

"A perfectly marvellous idea! We can begin by surveying Apalapucia," she beamed at him.

"I sense that I am being outmanoeuvred," Taydin sighed.

"Are you saying you don't want to go? Golden beaches and tropical oceans? You could help me select a swimsuit," she winked at him.

"I think swimming suits are merely extraneous materials," he retorted and Katie nearly fell over, grabbing at Owen with wide eyes.

"Oh, yes, certainly for the night-time beaches," she said.

"Now, shall we go pack? The Doctor made it sound like we were all leaving soonish," Taydin pointed out.

"And he is quite right. Owen, Katie, I believe I promised you both a lovely holiday."

"Yes," Katie nodded. "We are all desperate for a break!" Especially after this, Owen thought to himself. The group of doctors all nodded.

"Oh, but the babies?" Boma reminded them all and there were looks back and forth.

"We'll have to draw straws," Harry Sullivan suggested and they all sighed.

"Right, but no cheating this time, Harry!" Rory insisted, arms crossed over his chest.

"Really, Old Bean, as if I would!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I point out that we are in possession of a time machine? We can pick you up in two groups an hour apart and you can all enjoy staggered holidays."

The humans all turned startled gazes on the Time Lords and then began to grin.

"I call first shift!" Rory shouted and Harry sighed.

"Then I shall be a gentleman."

"Well, first time for everything," Martha told him with a wink and Harry grinned back at her, eyes twinkling.

* * *

Wrack stepped into the padded cell and looked around in interest.

"That's a new bloodstain, isn't it?" she asked and the girl looked up at her and smiled. Flat, predatory brown eyes, stringy brown hair, a skinny malnourished-looking form, she wasn't much to look at, but Wrack had found her mind an unending source of useful and imaginative chaos.

"I bit the new orderly. He wasn't being any fun," she responded in a low, calm tone that some might mistake as rational.

"Is he fun now?" Wrack asked and the girl's smile went wider and she nodded.

"Now he flinches every time he sees me. That's much more fun," came the reply and Wrack nodded. This was a concept that she could easily comprehend.

"I have a game for you," Wrack informed her and the girl chortled.

"I do love your games," she answered and looked up at Wrack studying her with a sudden intensity that would have terrified anyone else. "What's inside of you? If I cut you open, would you bleed?"

"No, I'm not actually mortal in any way," Wrack answered, undisturbed by the question. "I'm a being of energy, not flesh."

"Would you bleed light?" she asked next and that question made Wrack pause to consider.

"Something rather like it, yes, but you don't have the power to harm me. You haven't the ability. Now, here's the game," she told her, trying to bring her attention back to the problem.

"I'm listening," the girl replied and grinned at her, as Wrack explained the 'game' to her.

* * *

The Doctor sat on the hospital bed in Susan's clinic, with its jade green coverlet and sage green sheets, embroidered with curving golden lines and looked at his father-in-law.

"You're much improved, the doctors tell me," he murmured and Pete turned his face to look at him. His hair had been burned away along the back of his head, but it was already showing stubble and in a greater profusion than the Doctor recalled. Apparently, Susan had been meddling a bit.

"'Much improved' was their way of saying that I was dying, until Susan came along," Pete told him gravely.

"She's a rather good doctor, yes," the Doctor temporized and Pete shook his head.

"She saved me, saved Jackie, and probably could have saved Davian, if she'd gotten here in time," he muttered and the Doctor shook his head mutely.

"He was dead before they pulled him out of the rubble, Pete," the Doctor told him softly. He rose, walked over to the window, and stared out at the silver-leaved trees outside. "If he'd been a full Time Lord, he might have regenerated, but he never had made the jump and we kept putting off fixing that."

"It's not fair. After he survived the damn War, to die like that!" Pete's voice was agonized and the Doctor turned abruptly, trainers squeaking on the inlaid tiled floor.

"Like what? Saving your son? Saving Myrdin and Rillmar? Would he have any regrets at all about that? I certainly don't think so," the Doctor told him. "There is no better reason and no better way to die, than to do so saving the people you love."

"Yes," Pete agreed softly, nodding his head weakly and the Doctor decided to change the subject.

"So, bit of a traffic jam around here. Every time I came to see you, there was already someone here. Jake and Diana, Cassie, Dar, Toby, Wilf, and Donna, you're a popular man, Pete Tyler," he told him and Pete chuckled.

"Anyone going to visit Jackie?" he asked and the Doctor grinned.

"Of course, they are too scared not to!" he assured him and Pete laughed painfully.

"Damn, lungs are still a little scorched," he sighed.

"Rest then. Cassie has got things handled at Torchwood till you come back."

"I had hoped that Jake would take over," he sighed.

"Yeah, don't think so, he's really more about the running and saving people really," the Doctor pointed out.

"So he told me. I have to get better soon, they are getting married and they want me there," he murmured and then drifted off to sleep.

The Doctor stood over him for a while, trying not to see that Pete was looking older now. He looked frail, with silver streaking his hair. There were far too many lines around his mouth and eyes, and he clenched his fists, preparing himself for the loss that he knew would come one day.

Not today though.

He turned and left the room, off to visit Jackie next.

* * *

"Doctor," Tomoko stood up when she saw the Doctor come into the waiting room. "Jackie has a visitor, so I was waiting…" she looked intensely awkward. "Are you all right?"

"I'm always all right," he assured her and sat down next to her. "How are you?"

"We were going to try to settle the Manifold on Karn," she said after a brief silence, rather than answering the question directly. She rubbed at her temples as if they ached. "But, I want to be there when we do it. The corals sing and that's going to be new for them… it would probably be fine but… I don't want to risk not being there. I've got them hanging out on the fringes at the moment. I know that's not a great solution, but the Manifold don't mind and it should keep them out of trouble until we can have them look at Karn properly."

"We'll think it over," the Doctor said, and patted her hand. "We'll make it work, don't worry. And I notice you didn't answer my question," he pressed gently.

"How am I?" Tomoko looked at him for a long time. "Meh, I guess," she shrugged, but didn't elaborate. "Listen, I wanted to ask you something: shouldn't I turn myself in to the Shadow Proclamation?"

"Actually, yes. I explained your situation to the Architect and she requested, that, when you were 'apprehended' that you be examined by the SP's own telepaths. I know that it won't be much fun for you, but it would be a show of trust to the Architect, not to mention that they are the Law around the Galaxy, so..." he trailed off and looked at her inquiringly.

Tomoko nodded.

"So… how do I do that? Should I just… report to the nearest police station…?"

"Well... Actually," he cleared his throat. "You would turn yourself in to Jake and he, as a Shadow Proclamation agent, would 'arrest' you and take you along. If you feel that you can trust Jake, of course," he told her with a small smile.

She frowned thoughtfully.

"That wouldn't be considered a conflict of interest? He has a place in the Masha command structure after all."

"Police officers have been known to have to arrest their own spouses at times, you isn't a conflict of anything. He does his job, which is to arrest criminals," the Doctor explained.

Tomoko was silent for a while.

"I'll see him as soon as I have visited Jackie," she said.

"They don't remember, you know," he told her. "Rassilon wiped their memories."

She thought that over.

"I suppose that's true. Do you think I shouldn't bother them?"

"I think that you should do whatever you think is right," he replied.

"I want to apologize to Jackie, but… I think Jake takes precedence," she furrowed her brow thoughtfully. "But… well… hm. No, I'll wait for a while. I should speak to Jackie and Pete."

"Very well," he agreed. "Shall I have Jake come to visit you?"

"Whichever you think would be better, although I hate to have him come and find me, I ought to go find him."

"Yes, but you will be with Jackie and Pete. He's in with Jackie right now, so it's just simpler this way," he replied.

"Clever as usual," she tried to smile at him, but it wasn't very strong. "That's what we'll do then. Thank you, Doctor."

"You are very welcome," he told her with a nod. "Do try not to worry too much, though. You did what you could to minimize casualties and they know that."

Tomoko shook her head.

"I caused the whole thing. It was my fault. And yes, Rassilon this and that, but the truth is I didn't listen to Guinn, I jacked into the computer system, and Davian died, Jackie and Pete are in hospital…" She shook her head.

"You made a mistake. I made a mistake once. I forgot to ask a simple question. Because of that half the planet Earth died in the far future, Rose nearly died, I nearly died, and a dear friend did die. People make mistakes. Mistakes can cause deaths. That doesn't make us bad people, it just makes us fallible."

"How did you cope? With the fallout?" Her eyes searched his face.

"Badly," he admitted. "I died, regenerated, and to this day feel like an absolute arse about the whole thing. I got a lot of people killed, because I did not ask one question. That will always haunt me. The thing is, if that hadn't happened, Rose wouldn't be a Time Lord now. Every terrible thing has something about it that can redeem us. Let yourself be redeemed, eh?" he told her.

"I don't know how," she confessed truthfully.

"You may not figure it out for a while," he shrugged. "It may be one of those things where only hindsight helps. However, you have Dar now. If anyone knows about redemption, it's Captain Darginian, the most feared and hated Agent the CIA ever had. He was the terror of many a Time Lord's nightmares that man. Ruthless, merciless, and ice cold to the bone. Yet, here he is now, on the side of the angels. He's fought his way out of the darkness and into the light. He might have a few suggestions on how to go about doing that."

"He might at that," Tomoko agreed and she felt a little bit better just thinking about it. She'd always done better with a plan and that sounded like a good one.

* * *

Adie looked around her TARDIS console room and tried not to think too hard about the strained and unhappy faces of the children. She felt like she'd been in a fight and someone had landed a few too many blows on her. She was bent over the desktop controls, staring at them blindly, when the sound of someone clearing their throat broke through her abstraction.

Adie looked up to see Gaige's gray eyes crinkling at her, the way they always did when he smiled; and she realized that she had absolutely no idea of what he had just asked her, and blushed madly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she apologized. "I wasn't listening."

"I see that," he replied. "What's got you so rattled?"

"It's just that…" She looked down at the console and poked a few buttons. "I'm not up to being Head of Family! What is he thinking?"

"That you'll be brilliant at the job, actually. Which begs the question as to why you think you're not up to it," he asked gently.

She was silent for a minute, wondering how to explain what she was feeling.

"I just… as an adult, I recognize that there was more going on than I knew about at the time. Some of the orphans are the age I was when…" She poked some more buttons. "But, I look at them now and I find myself thinking… if only I had been… prettier, or funnier, or better somehow… would he have sent me to the Tower? Why did he hate me? Was I just… bad…?" Even to her own ears, the question sounded ridiculous, but she was having trouble figuring out exactly what she was feeling, let alone trying to voice it in some sort of sensible manner. The idea of being Head of Household had thrown her completely off-kilter.

"Adie, you don't understand. It's not like anyone chooses to send their child to the Tower," Gaige told her. "The Seers have some way of knowing who is a Seer and who is not and they 'request' that a child be sent to them."

"And he was all for it," she added bitterly. "Couldn't bundle me out fast enough."

"Even if he hadn't been, it wouldn't have mattered, Adie. There is no way to say 'no' to a request from the Tower. Why do you think that your Uncle ran off with Susan? He had to flee the planet to keep her away from them," Gaige explained. "That 'request' is really more like an order and no properly brought up Time Lord would dare to disobey. It was a huge scandal when the Doctor ran off. The rest of his family had to disavow his actions and strike him off the books!" Gaige was looking at her with a strained expression. "He risked arrest and possible execution, Adie. He risked his own life to save her. Your father wasn't such a man."

"He wasn't brave, you mean?" she asked softly.

"Yes, but also he wasn't as selfless, as loving, as kind, or as generous of soul. Your father was a selfish, vain, egotistical bureaucrat, with all the usual 'virtues' of a Time Lord. Coldly dispassionate, sure of his own superiority, and condescending to anyone he considered lesser. That was our society and he was a perfect example of it."

"You must have really hated him to speak about him like that," she mused. "It seems like everybody hated him." He shook his head and gave a bitter laugh.

"Actually, I respected him greatly and thought him a brilliant scholar and the ideal towards which all Time Lords ought to strive. Most people did," he admitted. "A hundred years on Azari Bal knocked sense into me, showed me that caring about people wasn't a fault and that there was no such thing as 'lesser' races, just people who weren't as technologically advanced as we were. I met people who were willing to die to protect their children, their comrades, or a complete stranger. They had passion, romance, strength of mind, curiosity, and a reckless daring that our people had long ago lost."

"I see," she nodded. "So, you aren't horrified that the Doctor wants to change the way Gallifrey was on this new version?"

"If he wasn't willing to change it, then I would," Gaige informed her and the sweet man she adored allowed her to see the core of tempered steel inside of him. She smiled at him, feeling better about a lot of things and knowing that he was there to back her up, to lend her that strength if she needed it.

"Okay," she agreed. "I'm going to need help to be the Head of House. There is so much that I don't know, so much that I am entirely ignorant about."

"I will always be right here beside you," he told her and hugged her against him, wrapping her up in his own energy, his love buoying her up. She leaned into his embrace and sighed out. This might be hard, but she wasn't going to have to face it alone.


End file.
